For those who may not know, Morimoto is Chef Masaharu Morimoto's restaurant in Philly, which was his first in the United States. In addition to being an accomplished chef, Morimoto was also on Iron Chef, and even though he wasn't my favorite Iron Chef (go Sakai!) he's still pretty damn good.

I had the pleasure of meeting Morimoto when he was here in Chicago at Fox & Obel for a book signing and tasting. At the Fox & Obel event, he made a daikon linguine which was pretty good (although most impressive were his knife skills, wow!!) and a tuna sashimi "pizza" that rocked.

My wife and I stopped by Morimoto for lunch, thinking it would be less expensive than dinner. It probably was, but we still spent an obscene amount of money for lunch--and it was worth every penny. We both had the chef's degustation menu, and I had the wine pairing as well. And now, here's the rundown:

1. Toro tartare, with shallots, caviar and fresh wasabi, in a dashi-shoyu-miran broth. Served with a mountain peach as a pallate cleanser.

Pairing: Brut Champagne, Veuve Clicquot, Reims France

The tuna tartare was amazing. Simply amazing. The fresh wasabi was delicate and floral, with just a hint of heat--not the punch you get with Americanized green horseradish passed off for wasabi so often (although, I like that, too--it's just different). The broth was a nice compliment, and the shallots, fried and crispy were the perfect texture offset to the delicate tenderness of the tuna. And I normally hate champagne, but I have to say this was an excellent pairing. Finally, the mountain peach--a tiny little ball of peachy goodness... it made me really, really want a good Japanese peach, which you just can't get in the U.S.

2. Kumamoto oysters, with a japanese salsa

Pairing: Sauvignon Blank '06, Kono, Marlborogh New Zealand

Another hit. The oysters were amazingly fresh--in fact all the seafood was, which is why it was so delicious--and the "salsas" were very simple and complimentary. They tasted like the sea. It was fantastic. And the pairing hit the spot, too... a white that I really enjoyed!

3. Scallop Carpaccio, with hot oil and mitsuba leaf

Pairing: Riesling '03, Ratzenberger, Steeger St. Jost, Germany

I think this was my favorite dish of the meal, if not, it's a close tie. The scallops were just amazing, so fresh and delicious I am at a loss for words to describe them. I think I'd still eat this if I had a seafood allergy. Take a bite, EpiPen shot. Bite, EpiPen. Yes, it was that good. And once again, the pairing of the riesling was perfect. A wine I normally hate, that was just taken to another level with the delicate flavors of the scallops and the hot oil--which was not overpowering in the slightest. This was the dish.

4. Sashimi Salad, mixed greens with tuna tataki, striped jack and shoyu dressing

Pairing: Chardonnay '05, Daniel Gehrs, Santa Barbara County, California

Can you go wrong with sashimi? Not when the fish is this fresh. Seriously. I wouldn't say the dish was out of this world, or anything special, but when you have really fresh, high quality ingredients, it doesn't need to be over the top to be amazing.

5. Honeydew Sorbet as a palate cleanser

Have you ever had honeydew sorbet? If not, have some!

6. Soba carbonara, soba with edamame, bacon and scallops

Pairing: Morimoto Soba Ale

On to the hot dishes... the soba carbonara is my second/tied favorite dish of the meal. First, you have to understand that I love soba. If buckwheat isn't your thing, this wouldn't be the dish for you! The soba were perfect... cooked just right to noodlely perfection. Then you add those amazingly fresh scallops and the coup de grace--bacon--and how could this not be amazing? Then, the pairing was a soba ale--hearty and with a nicely developed buckwheat flavor that just complimented the dish so well--as good if not better than any of the wine pairings. I want this for lunch today!

7. Black Cod Miso, cod, with red and yellow sweet peppers and sweet beans

Pairing: Pinotage '05, Wildekrans, Walker Bay, South Africa

This was probably my least favorite dish of the meal... although, that is to say if you served it to me, I'd still be impressed. The problem is cod--I'm just not a cod fan. But I really did enjoy the sweet beans, and combined with the pepper they really did compliment the cod nicely. I just can't get past cod. This was my favorite of the wines. I'd never had a Pinotage before, but I have to say, I like this grape. It was a deep red, and reminded me a lot of some American Zinfandels--not a wimpy wine. It's not an expensive wine, either, but very tasty!

8. Sushi Course: oh-toro, kanpachi, kohada, hamachi, and mirugai

Pairing: Morimoto Junmai Sake

Delicious sushi and a sippin' sake! What can I say about the sushi? It was so fresh it was very good. And the sake was very nice, too. Sometime sake can just be too harsh to me and have more of a chemical taste. This was a smooth, smooth sake... no knocking back this stuff, it had to be sipped to be enjoyed. And did I mention that by this time in the meal, I was enjoying a serious buzz? A serious food high and more drinking that I'd done in ages. They were not stingy with the portions of drink.

9. Sweet potato cake, with sweet beans, spiced whipped cream and a sweet potato chip

Pairing: Madeira, Blandys Alvada, 5 year

Another first. I'd never had a Madeira, but I enjoyed it a lot as well. The sweet potato cake was fantastic, of course. It was just sweet enough to satisfy the desert lust we were feeling, but not cloying or over-powering like some seven layer chocolate cake of doom. Very typical of the sweets/desserts I'd had in Japan, the sweetness was understated, but complimented by the sweetness of the Madeira. It was a perfect end to an amazing meal.

So, there you have it. If you read this far, you must be hungry. If you are ever in Philly, I recommend stopping by Morimoto's, and believe it or not, you can have an enjoyable and affordable lunch if you don't go all out like we did. Many of the dishes we sampled were on the lunch menu as ala carte entree.

Don't get the impression that I'm always this shi-shi with my dining. Next up: Dalessandros, the best "steak" I had in Philly.

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September 21, 2007

Fifth-Third Bank: Does Nice Customer Service Overcome Gross-Incompetence?

My mortgage is with Fifth-Third Bank. The first thing I have to say is that, at least in Chicago and on the phone, they have some of the nicest customer service people I’ve ever dealt with at a bank. They are just sweet. Unfortunately, they are (expletive deleted) incompetent.

Like many people, we escrow our property taxes. A portion of my monthly mortgage payment goes into an escrow account and when the property tax installments are due, Fifth Third pays them. And Fifth-Third did pay ours. Twice. That’s where the nightmare started.
If you’re familiar with Cook County and some of the suburbs, you probably already know property taxes are a nightmare. So imagine my shock when I got a statement from Fifth-Third saying that our escrow was short several thousand dollars.

Now, I never claimed to be a financial genius. But I can add. And when it comes to our mortgage and property taxes, I’m pretty thorough. So I was quite surprised when I received this statement and the accompany letter that Fifth-Third was raising our payment by $500 a month to cover the shortage. Something was up. And when I looked at the amount of the shortage, I noticed it was exactly, to the penny, the amount of our last tax installment. Curious. Then I looked at the tax payment dates on the statement. Wait a minute?! Fifth-Third paid an installment they shouldn’t have!

No problem, I assumed. Surely this will be easy to straighten out. Well, let’s just say I had an easier time shaving my cats.

First, I tried calling the Fifth-Third support line. They were super friendly! And extremely unhelpful. They denied the bank had made any mistaken payments. They denied anything was wrong—except that we owed them more money. They did promise to fax me copies of the cancelled tax checks and mail them out. I never got a fax. I never received a letter.

I started calling back. A lot. I got more friendly phone people, even some supervisors. They all understood my problem, but couldn’t do anything. They all promised to fax/mail the info I wanted. I never got a fax. I never received a letter.

Out of frustration, I called Cook County. The lady on the phone there was not friendly. But you know what? She did her job. She pulled up our PIN. She said, “Our records clearly show a duplicate payment.” And then she promised to send me a copy of our statement, along with a form to request a refund. I got both in the mail two days later.

I faxed the info to Fifth-Third. Then I called. “Oh, that double payment,” they said. “Oh, we see that now. You should really fix that.”

So my wife and I decided to try the personal approach. We went to the local branch. There, we met a very friendly, dedicated and helpful branch manager. He was apologetic. He agreed to take care of everything. We went away, feeling good.

Then, a week later, we got a letter from him saying he’d just faxed all our info over to the tax department. Yes, it not only took him a week to get to our problem—but then all he did was fax the same info I’d already faxed to their tax department!

Another week passed. Now we got a letter from the tax department. Finally, a Fifth-Third representative was taking ownership of the problem. Well, no. Instead, we got a letter stating that we should request a refund from Cook County (duh) and if we had any questions to call… the tax department!

sigh

I wish I could say this nightmare was over, but it drags on. We finally got the name of the tax department representative… because she included it on a letter she sent to Cook County on our behalf, asking them to send us a refund form. We called her. She promised to take care of it.

That was two weeks ago. She hasn’t.

Now, I hear you all saying, “Why don’t you just request the refund yourselves.” Well, we need copies of those cancelled checks, as proof of payment. You know, the ones Fifth-Third has promised on a half-dozen occasions to fax and mail to me. The ones I have, to this day, not received.

In the meantime, in order not to be delinquent on my mortgage, I’m having to bite the bullet and pay Fifth-Third the extra $500 each month. And we have a tax installment coming due in September.

I can tell you one thing I’m doing next week: talking to another bank about re-financing our mortgage. Fifth-Third has lost my business forever.

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May 3, 2007

17 Year Cicadas

Here's a cool movie put together at my alma mater about the upcoming 17-year cicada emergence. I have no idea why, but I'm just fascinated by these things. I love the sound of the cicadas in summer.

Here in Chicagoland, it's Brood XIII but there are plenty of other broods around. I can't wait!

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February 15, 2007

Why I'll Never Do Business with LaSalle Flowers Again

I am never using LaSalle Flowers again. Which makes me sad because I used to love this shop. Here's why...

Each year for Valentine's Day, I get my wife a bunch of white tulips because she loves them and I love her. I always used to get my flowers from the LaSalle Flower shop in Chicago, because they have quality flowers and do an outstanding job with arrangements.

This year, I went in and placed my order a week before Valentine's Day. I wrote out a card. The shop let me know that they couldn't guarantee a delivery time, being Valentine's Day and all, which was fine with me, so long as the flowers were delivered on Valentine's Day. And while her office was open.

They weren't.

They were delivered at 5:02pm. Two minutes after her office closes. The deliver person did catch the receptionist and was able to squeeze them in. My wife had already left for the day. I'd picked her up myself at 4:55. We probably passed the delivery van on the road. On our way home, I called the shop to find out where the flowers were. They told me they would look into it and then never returned my call.

Now, I do understand it was Valentine's Day and they are super busy. I'm not trying to be unreasonable. But when you count on a business like this and they don't deliver, I think customer service demands stepping up to the plate.

The only thing the shop was willing to do to make amends in the situation was deliver the flowers to another location (i.e. pick them up at my wife's office and take them to our home) or take them back for a refund. Take back a bouquet of flowers from my wife??! Yes, they seriously suggested that as an option!

I buy, or rather, bought flowers from LaSalle Street on a regular basis. My wife always loves their arrangements. Unfortunately, after the employees and manager today were rude, unapologetic, and unwilling to give me any kind of credit for what was their mistake, I'm not buying flowers from them again.

It's about customer service. If they had returned my call in the first place and offered a credit of some kind, I'd be a really happy customer, writing a story about a great local business. Hell, even if they had just apologized profusely--I do understand it's a busy day for them. Instead, here I am, writing a warning to others not to patronize a business that clearly doesn't get customer service.

When I called again this morning, they were rude and completely unsympathetic. Do you know they didn't apologize to me once? Not the employee who took my call. Not the manager she handed me off to. A simple apology would have created a lot of good will. Instead, here's how my conversation with the manager ended today:

"So, you're telling me that even though I'm a loyal customer, and it was your mistake in not getting the flowers out on-time, there is absolutely nothing you're willing to do to make amends and keep my business?"

"That's right."

"I'm sorry I will never be doing business with your shop again."

Anyone know a good florist in Chicago?

Update: Oh. My. God. You are not going to believe this!! My wife was out of the office and she got a call from the receptionist... the shop sent someone to take back the flowers!! Unreal. I specifically told the manager this morning that we were keeping the flowers (and they already charged my card.) My wife told the receptionist to let them take them, at least she's pissed off at them, not me! Still, can you believe that??! Maybe they read this post and decided to retaliate. :)

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December 27, 2006

Movie Meme

1. Name a movie that you have seen more than 10 times.
Star Wars. Any of them. :)

2. Name a movie that you've seen multiple times in the theater.
See #1. Seriously, I was a "Star Wars" generation kid... I dressed up as Boba Fete for one Halloween!

3. Name an actor that would make you more inclined to see a movie.
Johnny Depp. I really enjoy his approach to his art and his craft.

4. Name an actor that would make you less likely to see a movie.
Faye Dunnaway. I really, really do not care for her acting ability.

5. Name a movie that you can and do quote from.
Being of the male sex, I can quote from far too many movies. Among them, many Tarantino films, a fair selection of Adam Sandler, and almost anything by Hal Hartley. I think I have a few Hal Hartley shorts memorized completely.

6. Name a movie musical that you know all of the lyrics to all of the songs.
Hmm... Probably "The Sound of Music" from when I was a kid. Or "The Wizard of Oz"

7. Name a movie that have been known to sing along with.
RHPS (If you know the acronym, you know the movie.)

8. Name a movie that you would recommend everyone see.
Wow. That's too broad... one movie? Everyone? Okay, "Wings of Desire".

9. Name a movie that you own.
You name a movie I don't! Seriously, I own a whole lot of movies.

10. Name an actor that launched his/her entertainment career in another medium but who has surprised you with his/her acting chops.
Dwight Yoakam. Seriously. He can actually act. Wil Smith would have to be in there... for all the fluff movies he does, check out "Six Degrees of Separation". He's incredible in it.

11. Have you ever seen a movie in a drive-in? If so, what?
Well, I hate to be a one-trick pony, but "Star Wars"!

12. Ever made out in a movie?
Yes.

13. Name a movie that you keep meaning to see but just haven't yet gotten around to it.
An Inconvenient Truth

14. Ever walked out of a movie?
Yes. And oh, the irony... it was a movie I was in... and one by a personal hero (John Sayles)!
It was "Eight Men Out" and I was an extra. I went to see it to see myself on the big screen and was so bored I left before I even got to my scenes. :) I think Sayles is a certified genius filmmaker... but I don't share his passion for baseball.

15. Name a movie that made you cry in the theater.
I honestly can't remember... I probably cried at E.T. in the theatre, but most of the movies that have made me cry (that I can recall) were rentals. (I really cried at the end of "Life is Beautiful")

16. Popcorn?
Very rarely. And usually only if my wife wants some. I'm a "Milk Duds" guy... but Diet Coke, all the time.

17. How often do go to the movies (as opposed to renting them or watching them at home)?
Before law school? Or since law school? :)

18. What's the last movie you saw in the theater?
The Borat movie...

19. What's your favorite/preferred genre of movie?
Indie... definitely.

20. What's the first movie you remember seeing in the theater?
I think Bambi... but I really don't remember it much. Then again, I don't remember last Monday!

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December 19, 2006

Holiday Music Madness!

Since I'm finished with finals (yeah!) and I've been tagged by in limine... I give you: Dave's Top 5 Holiday Songs!

5. AKIM & The Teddy Vann Production Company - Santa Claus Is A Black Man
I found out about this masterpiece on an episode of Fresh Air which featured John Waters and his new anthology CD, A John Waters Christmas. This song is everything you would expect from a John Waters Christmas and more...

4. Sloppy Seconds - Hooray For Santa Claus
This one is a cover of the theme song from "Santa Claus Conquers the Martians" which you just have to love. Plus I grew up on punk rock in Indiana, which means you pretty much have to love Sloppy Seconds.

3. The Kinks - Father Christmas
The Kinks were punk rock before punk rock was punk rock. I think they're under-rated overall, and this song is a definite Christmas classic in my book.

2. The Pogues - Fairytale of New York
Another classic, from another under-rated band. Although MXPX does a pretty good cover, you can't go wrong with the original. Considering I pretty much hate almost all Irish music, I can't help but love The Pogues.

And.... drum roll...

1. Jose Feliciano - Feliz Navidad!
If you don't like this song, you are a Grinch. Sorry, it's true.

There you have it... my list which is probably skewed towards the non-conventional, but hey, that's how I swang, yo. Merry Christmas!!!

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December 13, 2006

The Dave Paradox

Last night I was listening to my iPod, which decided to play Anti-Flag, N.B.C. (No Blood-thirsty Corporations). As I was sitting waiting for my Corporations final to begin. Ironically, I love both that song and the class.

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November 30, 2006

Another Movie Meme

Popcorn or Candy? Candy. Milk duds or Receses Pieces.

Movie you've been meaning to see forever? Well, between working full-time and law school in the evening, that list would be way too long for this post...

You are given the power to recall one Oscar: who loses it, and to whom? Easy. 2001 Animated Feature Film--the first year of the category. Shrek won, a travesty. I would pry it from his green ogre hands and properly award it to Richard Linklater and the crew at Flat Black Films for Waking Life. They was robbed!

Steal one costume from a movie for your wardrobe. Boba Fett. C'mon, the dudes a badass.

Your favorite film franchise is: Star Wars. Duh.

Invite five movie people over for dinner. Who are they? Why'd you invite them? What do you feed them? Hmmm... Five? Okay... do they have to be alive? I'm going to assume they do, which is a shame, because dinner with Billy Wilder would be awesome. Here goes:

John Sayles. He's a genius and responsible for one of the greatest American movies: Matewan.

Steven Soderbergh. Another great American indie filmmaker and very largely responsible for a renaissance in American indie film with Sex, Lies, and Videotape.

Richard Linklater. Another great American indie. Yeah, I know, I saw The Newton Boys but you have to give him Slacker, Before Sunrise, Tape and one of my favs, Waking Life.

Johnny Depp. I just love this guy. I've never seen someone who was originally written off (21 Jump Street anyone?) become such a great artist. I've also never seen an interview with him that wasn't interesting and engaging. I'm sure he has off nights, but I think he'd make a great guest.

Mark Cuban. He went to my alma matter. His production company, 2929, which with Soderbergh has done some really innovative things with distribution. He owns HDNet. And I have a business plan for a production company I would like to pitch him that could be funded with just a small fraction of his Maverick's payroll. :)

I would feed them Chicken with 40 Cloves of Garlic. It's easy and delicious.

What is the appropriate punishment for people who answer cell phones in the movie theater?

Stocks. As in the kind that bind your hands and feet for public humiliation. In the lobby of the theater.

What's the scariest thing you've ever seen in a movie? Excluding documentaries, I'd say, Kazaam... Shaquille O'Neal is a great example of how being a sports star has nothing to do with your ability to act.

Your favorite genre (excluding "comedy" and "drama") is... indie.

You are given the power to greenlight movies at a major studio for one year. How do you wield this power?

I would use my power to greenlight a ton of small(er) budget indie films to try to usher in a new golden age of quality studio films. You know, like back in the day when studios were making films like Midnight Cowboy and Network, two amazing films that would probably never get the green light at a major studio today.

Bonnie or Clyde? See, that's too tough. I mean, on the one hand, Warren Beatty is fine and all, but Faye Dunnaway makes me want to hurl. (Except in Network, about the only decent performance she's ever given, but I digress.) So I'm gonna cheat and go with another classic couple/criminal film, Breathless and say Jean-Paul Belmondo--cooler than Warren Beatty any day.

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November 3, 2006

Atheism at the Ludicrous Extreme

Clearly, I'm not an atheist. But it's important to note I am not a christian, either. Some would call me an agnostic, but I prefer merely to describe myself as spiritual. Raised (for the most part) Unitarian, I seek truth--to the extent it can be found. I do not believe in a personified, interventionist god. I believe in a force of nature that science has not--nor do I believe ever will--really explain, but like Stephen Jay Gould, I don't think science need bother. Proving--or disproving--the existence of "god" would be a very low priority in my lab, I can tell you that.

So, recently, Daniel C. Dennett, who's work I've read and admire, had a medical problem that might have ended his life. He survived, and when he did, he thanked "goodness". I have absolutely no issue with that. I'd thank goodness, too!

Where I think he's mis-guided is in his chastising those who "prayed" for him. Oh, he's quick to say that he appreciates the thought and that he understands the urge, but he wishes they'd do something useful:

"Surely it does the world no harm if those who can honestly do so pray for me! No, I'm not at all sure about that. For one thing, if they really wanted to do something useful, they could devote their prayer time and energy to some pressing project that they can do something about."

Look, I understand what he's getting at, but c'mon. This shit is getting ridiculous. The idea of "praying" or even saying, "you're in my prayers" isn't any more "wasteful" or "useless" than saying "you're in my thoughts". Is it wasted time to take a moment and stop, reflect on the state of a close friend or loved one, whether that thought is based in religion or secular humanism? The idea that someone is wasting their time because they are offering their support in form of prayer is just plain stupid. It's no different (and I would agree no more effective) than saying, "I thought about you today."

Yes, yes, I understand that if you're a friend of Dennett and you know that he would feel the best way to honor or express care for him was plowing into your work and getting something remarkable done, well, by golly, that's what you should do. But again, I'm calling bullshit. Humans, whether they believe in "god" or not should care about each other and the people in their lives. When they express that care as a thought, gesture or even--gasp--a prayer, it's never useless and it's never a waste of time.

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October 25, 2006

Dawkins is a Good Read. And Wrong

Richard Dawkins is undoubtedly a very smart man, much smarter than me. However, his recent entry on the Huffington Post I found to be quite lacking.

First, he starts off with the misstatement that America was "founded in secularism as a beacon of eighteenth century enlightenment," which I think romanticizes the founding of America a great deal. Not to mention that the country may have been "founded" by those fleeing religious persecution, but they didn't waste much time persecuting those who held different beliefs. Dawkins paints this picture of a rosy secular republic with the Founding Fathers welcoming and tolerant to all differing religious views. Bollocks. The reason the founding fathers were so adamant to separate church and state wasn't as much to keep church out of government as it was to keep government out of church. If Dawkins can say, with a straight face, that the founding fathers would have been open to all sects of Christianity, Judaism, Paganism, Islam, Mormonism, etc. then I'll stand up and call him a bald faced liar. To say that our modern political system would "horrify" the Founding Fathers presumes that the Founding Fathers would not also have been "horrified" by things like abortion and gay marriage. I am fairly certain that would have been equally horrified by both.

Dawkins is correct, however, that there is a rising element of what I consider a specific brand of American Christian Fundamentalism that is definitely a cause for concern--among true Christians and non-Christians alike. These people, often in the guise of Christianity, pervert the very Bible they purport to worship for the sake of advancing their own political agenda and often engage in a form of worship that I can't really fathom, which seems to include ignoring the poor and worshiping the dollar. But that's not really the focus of Dawkins post.

Instead, Dawkins purports to engage reason and the scientific mind to conclude that, in all probability, there is no god. But he proceeds to offer evidence that is, frankly, irrelevant.

Turning to British leadership analogies as only a Brit could, Dawkins outlines the Chamberlain and Churchill schools of dealing with the 'threat' of religion to science (again, as if this threat were something new and endemic to America. Galileo might differ with Dawkins on this.)

Dawkins then goes on to criticize rational scientists, like Stephen Jay Gould, who understood that science cannot affirm or deny the existence of the supernatural, nor need they bother. That's because Dawkins and the Fundamentalist Atheist movement are as zealous and mis-guided as the Fundamentalist Christian's they oppose. Both of them have abandoned the core of the belief system they purport to adhere to and make gigantic leaps from reason.

Dawkins starts off in the right direction: that the existence of a deity (or deities, if you rather) can be viewed as a scientific hypothesis. I agree. In fact, to me, it's very much like the quest for a unified theory in physics. But that's where Dawkins makes a huge mistake: he concludes that "a universe with a god would be a completely different universe from one without". Really? Why is that so? I say that a universe with a god could be exactly like one without one. It really depends on the nature of the god you believe in, doesn't it?

Dawkins seems to think that if there is a god, it must be an interventionist god. That god would be evidenced by a righteous display of his powers, healing the sick, blowing shit up or something. I don't really know. As an example, he offers that if there were some kind of DNA evidence that Jesus did, in fact, not have a father and had a virgin mother, that the religious community (which he's lumped now with anyone who agrees with Gould's NOMA) would rush to embrace the science. Right off the bat, Dawkins is trying to attack Fundamentalism but failing to properly define the scope of his inquiry. You can't disprove one religion's god based on the fundamental assumptions of another religions belief. Not all religions are incompatible with scientific inquiry or evolution. It's too bad, in attempting to prove or disprove his hypothesis, Dawkins never actually bothers to define the "god" he's attempting to disprove.

He makes an attempt. He mentions that if your view of "god" is one of "love, nature, goodness, the universe and the laws of physics, the spirit of humanity" then his previous diatribe doesn't apply. What he misses is that to many Christians, god is both personified and the embodiment of those things. Now, personally, I don't believe in a personified, interventionist god. But Dawkins really makes a critical error, one I see atheists making all the time, by distinguishing the two.

At heart of the debate between the religious and the non-religious is something that Dawkins does touch on: "we do need some kind of explanation for the origin of all things. Physicists and cosmologists are hard at work on the problem." Which is precisely the basis of the theory he's supposed to be addressing. He goes on to point out, rightly so, "Intelligent, creative, complex, statistically improbable things come late into the universe, as the product of evolution or some other process of gradual escalation from simple beginnings. They come late into the universe and therefore cannot be responsible for designing it." That's where he slips up. He's assuming that "god" is a "complex and statistically improbable thing" and that since these things are the product of evolution, they "cannot be responsible for designing it."

That may be true, but now, he's attacking Intelligent Design. He's assuming, and he makes a lot of assumptions--most of which are based in Fundamentalism, that if there were a god who created the universe, that it must have been designed. Because when physicists smash atoms into each other in a supercollider, the sub-atomic particles that result are always exactly what they expected.

But, in fact, most of the Christians I know don't believe in intelligent design. They believe in evolution and they've read Darwin (many even read Dawkins). Certainly Dawkins hangs with a different crowd than I do, but something tells me neither one of us is down with the Creflo Dollar crew. That's the problem. Dawkins says it's improbable that there's a god because all of the complexities of life are numerous and unlikely to have been designed. Therefore, no god could have been complex enough to create all this, so no god exists. Q.E.D. Very nice. But very wrong. He's looking in the wrong place for his evidence.

He hits on the kernel of what should be the starting point of scientific investigation when he says "Physicists and cosmologists are hard at work on the problem." That's where the answer lies, if there is an answer. Looking to evolution for the proof of existence or non-existence of god is looking in the wrong place. Evolution doesn't have to be incompatible with god. Dawkins isn't even asking the right questions, let alone looking at proper evidence.

If you want to believe that the universe was created by a god/gods and that it has since evolved into what it is, that's fine with me. If you want to believe that the universe is pure random happenstance, that is also fine with me. If you want to believe that we ride on the back of a great tortoise I also am okay with that. But what really, really irritates me is zealotry. And I see Dawkins and his ilk engaging in the exact same kind of religious zealotry as Fundamentalist Christians, but they call their religion "Science". What's shameful about that is it's a perverted science, as sure as "Fundamentalism" is a perverted Christianity. It's zealotry, pure and simple. It's low-down, dirty partisan politics. It's intellectually dishonest.

The honest answer is: we can't prove god exists and we can't prove that god does not exist. Both the existence and non-existence of God are competing scientific hypotheses which are, at least in the foreseeable future, unlikely to be proved or disproved. Not that it can't be valid scientific inquiry, I think it can. But before Dawkins can spout off evidence supporting his theory, it would be more productive to actually define which theory of god he's actually attacking.

If you ask me, though, it's a tremendous waste of his time and energy, not to mention his intellect. Instead of worrying about whether or not there is a god, the right thing to do is to stop wasting time and effort attempting to convert the religious to atheism and to focus on stopping the rise of Fundamentalism that perverts science, humanity and religion.

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October 16, 2006

There was a mouse in the house...

...but with four cats, I'm afraid it never stood much of a chance.

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October 10, 2006

What it means to be a liberal.

Geoffrey Stone, a law professor at UC, does an outstanding job of outlining some beliefs that he believes define a modern liberal in, What it means to be a liberal. I think he's off to a pretty good start.

Personally, I agree most with #4.

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September 27, 2006

Arson Garden!

I went to college at Indiana University, where the local music scene can be pretty outstanding. When I was in school, there was a band called Arson Garden mentioned here before.

There was also a club, called Second Story which was pretty much where all the indie bands played (they still do, from what I've seen). Well, Second Story is having a 25th Anniversary extravaganza this weekend, and Arson Garden will be playing their one (and probably only) reunion show!!

Figures, I can't go. _Sigh._ But if you are anywhere near Bloomington, Indiana this Friday night and you don't check them out, you are really missing out on a great opportunity to see a phenomenal group of musicians.

And thanks to James Combs, Arson Garden's lead guitarist/songwriter for the hat-tip on the show! He's a great solo act as well, and I highly recommend you check out his site, too.

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August 30, 2006

Get your official seal!

[Via says-it.com]

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July 2, 2006

Angela Volan (1970-2006)

A very good, old friend of mine lost his little sister this week. Her name was Angela Volan, and she was quite an amazing young woman. I only had the pleasure of meeting her once or twice, but she was beautiful and intelligent--just recently finishing her PhD from UC and just about to launch her academic career. I invite you to go read the eulogies delivered by her brothers, Steve and John, and you will see how much she was loved and will be missed.

Angela was a victim of Marfan's Syndrome, which is a genetic disorder that also affects her old brother and my friend, Steve. Please, take a minute to learn more about the disorder at www.marfan.org.

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June 16, 2006

Five Blades Are Better...

...or maybe it's the vibrating.

Taking an engineering tip from The Onion Gillette actually did bring out a five-blade razor: Fusion. And like a sucker (a sucker who hates shaving) I recently bought one.

First, let me tell you about my man hairs. I have a five o'clock shadow by 8:30 in the morning. There's a scene in the Simpsons where Homer shaves down to a "baby face" smooth, and while he is looking in the mirror his five o'clock shadow returns. That's me. I guess I just can't help my god-given virility. Or I'm closer to ape than most on the evolutionary scale. You be the judge.

I was a little skeptical about the whole five-blade thing. I was even more skeptical about the vibration. Yeah, that's right--this razor has a battery and vibrates. Now, if you're like me, the idea of placing five sharp vibrating blades on your face isn't the most sensible thing you've heard. Oh, but vanity, thy name is Dave! Debating the purchase of this new razor, I asked my wife what she thought. The conversation went something like this:

"What do you think of this? Five blades... and it vibrates."

"I think it looks interesting. I'll bet it does a good job."

"But you always fall for marketing ploys. Besides, what do you know about shaving?"

"I shave far more sensitive places than you do."

"Good point."

So I bought it. And this week, I tried it. I have to admit, five blades are pretty good. And the vibrating thing works pretty well, too. It is a little weird at first, but I've found that overall, the razor does, in fact, shave closer than my old, three-blade dull hatchet. And it seems to irritate my skin far less, too. But Gillette is really missing out. The glory of this new razor is, in fact, the sixth blade.

You heard me. This razor actually sports a sixth blade, they call it the "precision trimmer blade" and it's mounted along the top edge, facing the opposite direction of the other five main blades. This little ingenious feature allows you to get a close shave on your upper lip without doing nose yoga. Finally, no more pulling and tugging on my nose and lips only to cut myself a million times trying to shave those pesky whiskers just under my nostrils! Amazing. That feature alone is worth the price of the whole razor.

So there you have it... it's not just marketing hype. Five blades do, in fact, rock. Key the music and the chorus girls.

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April 12, 2006

Sixes

I've been tagged! Yes, In Limine got me with the "Sixes" meme. For this one you are supposed to "list six of your own very unique oddities/quirks." To which I can only respond, "We're limited to six?!" My wife, Kristyna, helped me narrow it down to these:

1. I am very obsessively organized. I have meta "To-Do" lists.

2. I'm pretty OCD: I have to have the TV Remotes all lined up and angled in the same direction; all the a/c knobs in my car have to be pointed in the same direction, temperature be damned; I chew an even number of times on each side of my mouth.

3. I archive *all* e-mail. Seriously. I have e-mail dating back to 1990 when I first started using e-mail in college.

4. I clean the house before I go on vacation (so I can return to a clean house).

5. When I travel, I take old underwear that is past its prime, and just throw it out instead of doing laundry.

6. I like to paint my toenails (feet are ugly).

Yeah, several of those are related to my OCD tendencies, but that's the way it goes. :)

Six people to tag? The Usual Suspects: Ken, Kate, Scott, Jason, Amy, Angie

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March 22, 2006

I'm a Genuine Leader!

Well, my results at least for this test think so:

[Personal DNA Test via ambivalent imbroglio]

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February 20, 2006

At Least I Got One Thing Right in College

You scored as Theater. You should be a Theater major! Like a bohemian actress, you are seasoned and confident and not afraid to express yourself!

What is your Perfect Major?

[Via Life in the Pumpkin Shell]

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February 19, 2006

Olympics

Don't ask me why, but I've spent far too much time this past week watching the Olympics. In between the Luge and the Snowboard Cross, I noticed a few things:

• I am all for pride in your heritage and homeland, but you know what? If you've lived in the United States for over a decade and you train in the United States, you shouldn't be competing for Bulgrussistan. I mean, c'mon: America is a nation of immigrants, if we've accepted you as a citizen here, compete for your new country.

• I don't care how popular it is, ice dancing is stupid. If this is an Olympic sport, why isn't ballroom dancing? What's next, Olympic Ice Dancing With the Stars?

• Twenty-year olds sometimes do stupid things which they'll probably regret later. I know I did many stupid things in my 20s. The bad news is that it doesn't stop in your 30s.

• Michelle Kwan should train harder than ever, come back in four years, win a gold, and on the medal stand, flip off the camera and say, "Run, Runner! No one has to die at 30, you can live!"

• Apparently, you can't ski hung over very well after all. This is a shame, because in spite of the controversy that seems to follow him, I think Bode Miller is a pretty accurate representation of the average American: he plays hard and he works hard, but sometimes his quality suffers for it. For all of the sports writers calling for his head on a platter because he doesn't represent the "Olympic" ideal: he's not doping with the 'roids he's not cheating on his wife, and last I heard, he hadn't sexually assaulted or raped anyone.

• Bryant Gumbel is a first class asshole.

• Joey Cheek is first class.

• Zhang Dan earned her medal more than any other Olympian I've seen in the games so far.
  

And finally, would Bob Costas and NBC announcers just shut up already? I mean, really. The inane play-by-play and statements of the obvious in the wrap up really don't ad anything to the coverage. I know NBC paid 600 Million for the broadcast rights, but sometimes, less is more.

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February 15, 2006

Chocolate!

This VD my wife decided to indulge my chocolate tastes and surprised me with a box of truffles from Vosges. Vosges is a Chicago based "haut-chocolat" boutique with a definite gourmet bent. Some of the flavors of truffles include the "Black Perl" which is a dark chocolate truffle with an infusion of ginger and wasabi, topped with black sesame seeds and the "Budapest" which is dark chocolate with sweet Hungarian paprika.

Last night, I had the pleasure of trying the "Poivre" which is dark chocolate with Telicherry peppercorns (white and black). Oh. My. God. It was really fantastic. The pepper was not overpowering, it just added a hint of peppery spice to the chocolate and made it that much richer. I only wish I had a nice spicy Zinfandel to go with it, it would have been perfect.

I also sampled the "Naga" which I think is possibly the most perfect chocolate I've ever had. It's a milk chocolate with coconut and sweet Indian curry. Normally, I'm a dark chocolate fan, but this combination was just out of this world. The coconut (which I normally don't like) was subtle and matched perfectly with the curry. I was simply blown away.

So, if you're an adventurous eater and in the mood for some amazing chocolate, I'd recommend checking out Vosges. They have stores in Chicago, New York and Vegas (?!) but I'm sure they also do mail order. It's pricey stuff, but wow, is it worth it.

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How to Get Business (Not)

Today at work I got a call from a vendor. This vendor sells a particular product we use a lot of, so I'm willing to listen. I always check the prices against our current vendor to make sure we're getting the best price. This was one of the most disastrous discussions I've ever had with a potential vendor. Here's some tips for those of you who have the unfortunate job of selling products to people like me:

Tip Number One
Make your sales pitch obnoxious, fast, and loud. When the customer asks you to give them some of the specifications on your products, tell them something like, "I could give you any specs! But I'm not going to do that because we both know specs are useless. You need to try our product to see how great it is."

Tip Number Two
Don't listen to what the customer says. When they tell you that they don't want to purchase an evaluation unit unless you can give them specs, tell them again about how the specs they've asked you for twice now don't really mean anything.

Tip Number Three
When you quote the fantastic, price saving cost of your product, which happens to be over twice the customer's current reputable local vendor, laugh and tell them that your product will still save them money because your product will double their efficiency. If they point out that your claim is based on specs, stall for a bit and then relaunch your sales pitch.

Tip Number Four
If you agree to send them an evaluation product so they can independently test your claims, fax them an order for your product instead. They won't notice the difference.

Tip Number Five
If they do notice that you sent them an order confirmation and they fax it back with a note saying this order was never placed and will not be honored, call them right away and say, "C'mon man! I thought we were doing business!!"

Tip Number Six
If the customer puts you on "hold" to look something up, like specs on the product they currently use (even though you know specs don't mean anything) you should always assume that you are actually on hold, not just mute, and talk loudly to your other sales associates about them and whether or not this stuff is all worth the potential sale.

These steps are a sure-fire way to increase your sales and gain new customers. And if they don't work, well, those customers just didn't want to "save money!"

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February 1, 2006

I am home!

I am home now. And goddamn does it feel good to be here! We had quite a scare this weekend, with a trip to the ER that turned into an extended stay at the hospital. But I am okay now, back home, trying to get back into the swing of things, and very glad to have had some excellent medical care over the past few days. In the interest of Google Cache and Insurance Company databases, I'm not going to go into details here, suffice to say that I am doing well, glad to be out of the hospital, and looking forward to returning to normal life.

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January 26, 2006

James Frey, I Don't Hate You

See, here's the thing: I never read your book. I will someday. My wife bought it and loved it. I told her I'd read it when I had time and I will. Even now. When she told me about the "no anesthesia dentist" thing, I said, "No way. That's not true." It would seem I was right. Still, it sounded like a good story and I like good stories.

I don't know what you did to piss off the guys from the Smoking Gun, but I did read their article. Wow. They do not like you. It read to me less like an expose and more like a griping tale of revenge. They seriously had it out for you. Not that you didn't lie, I'm not an apologist. But the article they wrote was less investigative reporting and more hateful screed. Here's the thing: people are all bent out of shape because they feel you betrayed their trust or something, but I think those people were just reading to wallow in your misery.

It's clear you exaggerated some things and perhaps even invented some. But that doesn't change the fact that you battled addiction and overcame it. I think people are losing sight of that. I've known a couple of people in my life who have battled addiction (some who have overcome and some who haven't) and I think the fact that you felt the need to make yourself a little edgier, a little more badass, to tell your tale and get people to read it isn't a horrible crime against humanity. In fact, from the people I know who've battled addiction, the struggle to overcome it comes along with a fair share of lies.

The reality is that most people who are addicted to alcohol or drugs are normal people leading as normal lives as they can. Sure, there are some who are in the deep shit and end up dead in the gutter; but most addicts plod along, slowly killing themselves while repeatedly hurting those who love them. The "waking up on a plane bleeding and not knowing how you got there" moments are, in reality, a lot less frequent than the "I forgot Janey's birthday because I was drunk" moments. But no one wants to read about that reality. Page turners about the life and times of Jim, the functional-alcoholic-middle-manager-who-started-attending-AA-meetings-when-his-wife-left-him aren't flying off the shelves, now are they?

I suspect the people who read your book and were touched by it--really touched by it--are disappointed. The same way that a parent might be disappointed the first time they catch their child in a lie or when a loved one they thought had sobered up stumbles. They have a right to be hurt and angry with you and disappointed. But they aren't raising their fists to call you a horrible man and a liar. They are disappointed, yes; but it confirms what they know. That addiction can cause people to screw up, but that mistakes won't make you hate someone you really, truly love.

The people who shout, and scream, and melodramatically proclaim you are villainous scum, those are the people who just wanted to see the fall. They didn't read your book for redemption--forgiveness and redemption isn't what it was about to them. To them, it was about misery. Wallowing in your misery. Maybe it was to make their lives a little less miserable. You're actually giving them more of what they paid for when they bought your book: buy one, get one free tales of falling from grace! Screw the redemption, they get more misery and a heapin' helpin' of righteous indignation!

So when I heard Oprah turned on you today on her show, I just thought I'd write a letter (which you'll probably never see and which she probably will never see) to say that I'm glad you overcame addiction and I hope this mess doesn't change that. Also to let you know as disappointed as I may have been with you, I was just as disappointed in Oprah. Not that I'm a huge Oprah fan or anything, but when she called in to Larry King, I thought she genuinely got it. She said that she was disappointed but that it didn't change the message of the book which was about redemption. I guess the focus groups pulled off the studio tour got the better of her and she forgot all about that. Which is a shame, because she had the chance to really stop the rubber-necking and add some perspective. Another opportunity lost.

I'll be sure to read your book when I get a chance--I'll probably enjoy it. I wish you hadn't made things up and passed it off as true, but you did, and we can't change that. Chalk it up to one more thing in life you shouldn't have done, but did. If anyone wants to crucify you for it, maybe they missed the point when they read it the first time. Putting what you did into perspective, of all the horrible things people do to one another every day, lying in a book about being an addict is pretty far down the list. You did what addicts often do: you lied. You did what people often do: you lied. But instead of garnering that insight into the mind of a recovering addict, instead of pausing to reflect on that moment of shared human weakness, your millions of adoring "fans" decided to forget that the book touched them. So much for redemption. So much for forgiveness. But you know what? I don't hate them either. I'm just disappointed. I guess they are as human as the rest of us.

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January 23, 2006

Pincushion Dave!

Over the holidays, my brother was back from school in Portland--he's studying Eastern medicine, herbal and acupuncture. So what do you do when you have pain from RSI (carpal tunnel) and access to free acupuncture? Give it a try!

First, you should know that when it comes to needles, I'm a total and complete wimp. It helps keep me secure that I'll never develop a heroin habit, because the idea of actually sticking myself with a needle nearly makes me pass out. The acupuncture needles themselves are actually quite small. My brother uses Japanese needles, which he claims are superior to Chinese needles because they are better made. They are more expensive, but you know, when you've got a stainless steel needle shoved two inches into your flesh, do you want to cheap out? No. I didn't think so.

They come in these little tubes, which double as protection and an insertion guide. When you press them against your skin, they help pull the skin taught right around the point of insertion, making for a smoother and less painful stabbing. Actually, they don't really hurt, they feel sort of like someone pinching you, nothing even close to a shot from a regular hypodermic, which by comparison, look like aluminum baseball bats.

The whole process involves a lot of poking before any needles even come out. Think pretty typical doctor, "Does this hurt? What about this?" kind of stuff. What gets odd is that, even though you have pain in your hands/wrists, you start getting your feet poked. In fact, for my wrist/hand pain, I received three needles in each foot, but only one in each arm. Go figure.

Once the needles are inserted, you just have to relax for about 20-25 minutes. Yeah, you have needles sticking out of your feed and arms, very conducive to relaxation, let me tell you. I just sat there, trying not to be too tense. It's a very strange sensation, quite hard to describe. You can feel the needles in you, but I honestly couldn't say how much of that was physical versus how much of that was psychological. I mean, it's not every day you have needles poking in your flesh and then sit around. The most astonishing thing though is that you also start to feel... better.

When it's time for the needles to come out, it's a much easier process: yank. You actually feel them more coming out than you do when they went in, at least for me. Thankfully, there was no blood; just a tiny dot where the needle was that disappears almost instantly. No acupuncture track marks for me, shucks. Best of all, the pain in my wrists felt much better both during and after the treatment. My brother the doc said that the treatments can be effective for a few weeks, and I did spend the rest of my holidays pain free! I'd like to have the treatment again next semester after exams... I wonder if it works for pain in the ass?

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January 16, 2006

Four on the Floor

I've been tagged by In Limine for the four meme... so here goes:

Four Jobs (paid professional positions):

• Writer
  
• Producer
  
• IT Director
  
• Associate Director
  

Four Movies I Could Watch Over and Over (This was very hard...):

• Waking Life
  
• Der Himmel Uber Berlin
  
• Magnolia
  
• Network
  

Four Places I've Lived:

• Bloomginton, IN
  
• Berkeley, CA
  
• San Francisco, CA
  
• Chicago, IL
  

Four TV Shows I'd Love to Watch (Notice a theme?):

• Invader ZIM
  
• Futurama
  
• The Simpsons
  
• The Daily Show
  

Four Places I've been on Vacation:

• London, UK
  
• Paris, FR
  
• Tokyo, JP
  
• Sao Paulo, BZ
  

Four Websites You Visit Daily:

• Bloglines
  
• YahooMail
  
• My Work "Portal"
  
• Seriously, that's it...
  

Four of My Favorite Foods:

• Sushi!
  
• Asparagus
  
• Spinach
  
• Pizza
  

Four Places I'd Rather Be:

• Paris
  
• London
  
• Grand Cayman
  
• In Bed
  

Four Albums I Can't Live Without (This was virtually impossible...):

• The Smiths, The Queen is Dead
  
• Beautiful South, Welcome To
  
• X, Los Angeles
  
• Interpol, Turn on the Bright Lights
  

Four People to Tag:

• Ken
  
• Kate
  
• Amy
  
• Angie
  

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December 28, 2005

Who needs sleep?

One of the many books I received this Christmas was Take the Cannoli, by Sarah Vowell. If you know me, you know I'm a huge fan of This American Life and I enjoy Vowell's writing style and humor. Not to mention, I'm really glad to be able to read something for pure enjoyment for a change! It's a pretty short, quick read, but I shocked even myself with how fast it went. Of course, it was written by a writer not a judge, lawyer or law clerk, which I'm sure has something to do with it.

Anyway, in the Essay "Dark Circles" which is about insomnia, I had to laugh out loud at a line about sleep apnea and the "machine" people use to treat it... "Congratulations, you're a cyborg!" It's been over a year since I got my CPAP (as they are called in the lingo) and I have never slept better!! This was reinforced by a few nights away from the machine while we were visiting family over the holidays. I didn't get a single good night of sleep in until we came back home and I could strap on the mask at bedtime.

It did get me curious, though. I've used it everyday since I got it, with the exception of when I travel (which over the last year has been about 2 months). The machine keeps track of the hours it's been used, so I sat down and did some calculations. It turns out, that I only sleep about 5.5 hours each night, even using the CPAP, but I still feel really rested when I wake up, in fact, I've never slept better. Go figure.

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Welcome Back!

I made it through exams and holidays alive! I had planned on posting immediately following exams, with a post analyzing my exams and blah, blah, blah. But because my last exam was so late in the exam period, we basically had to fly out of town the next day to my wife's hometown for Christmas festivities.

Now, exams over, holidays over (almost) and the start of the next semester a few weeks away, I'm back and more relaxed than ever!!

I'll probably post some about exams when I get my results (like sometime in February!) but for those who may be curious, next semester is Constitutional Law, Trusts & Estates, and Trademarks/Unfair Competition. Whee!!

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December 19, 2005

Home Healthcare for the Elderly

Today on NPR there was a story on a Medical House Call Program in D.C. It happens to be the same practice my friend (and my wife's maid of honor), Robyn, works at! Check it out... they do very cool work.

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November 14, 2005

Ch-ch-ch-changes

Coming off of a blogging conference, I've made a few changes around here. Most are behind the scenes (I've modularized my templates and stylesheets) and you shouldn't notice them unless I've screwed something up.

The new features you might actually notice are:

• A FeedBurner Feed
• E-Mail Subscription (via FeedBurner/FeedBlitz)
• Updated Blogrolls
• Tags!

If you notice something out of whack, please drop me a note and let me know.

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November 10, 2005

Today Sucked.

It was a very busy day today at work, because I'm taking off tomorrow to attend BlawgThink. So I barely got out in time to get to CivPro, when what happens as I get off the expressway? *Bam* I hear this horrible noise as I go through a busy intersection. I immediately pull over, and I have not one, but *two* count 'em, two flat tires. Both on the passenger side.

Of course, I'm not in the best neighborhood, and I'm immediately approached by a number of gentlemen offering to change my tire--or better yet, they have tires right around the corner, for sale! Yeah, sure. Okay, whatever. And in front of me is a woman who *also* got a flat going through that intersection!! I didn't see anything in the road, but it sure does make me wonder.

Anyway, I had to wait 1:30 for a tow truck (thanks, AAA!) which is fine, it was in rush hour on the south side of Chicago. As the tow driver was hoisting my poor Volvo onto the flat bed, he says, "Hey, did you notice your rims are bent?" Sure as hell *both* rims are bent, too. Today sucks.

And I missed CivPro. I'm a nerd and I was actually looking forward to Civil Procedure tonight. It was deposition day.

*sigh*

Oh well, tomorrow, live blogging in almost real time from BlawgThink!

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November 9, 2005

New Blog: Stepfather of Soul

There's a new blog in the blogosphere: Get on Down With The Stepfather of Soul! This new blog comes to you from my friend (and former classmate) Jason Stone. Jason and I were 1Ls together and opponents for our oral arguments for Legal Writing. You couldn't ask for a better sparring partner. Then he up and transferred to Atlanta!

But Jason's new blog isn't a blawg, he's cooler than that... it's an awesome funk and soul blog and he's featuring podcasts! I just downloaded the first edition, and I can't wait to listen to some of the incredible stuff he's got in his collection. I suggest you do the same...

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September 25, 2005

Baby Ruth!

As luck would have it, Kristyna and I were headed to Lafayette this weekend to pay a visit to my mom and my sister anyway... so when my sister, Mary, gave birth on Monday night, it was really great timing for us!

So on Saturday, we got to meet the precious, five day old, Ruth Elizabeth:

Isn't she adorable? At five days, she's mostly just eating and sleeping... ah, what a life. But she's the cutest little thing, I can't wait until she's a little older and more active. Congrats Mary and Steve!!

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September 20, 2005

Uncle Dave!

As of last night, I am officially Uncle Dave, proud Uncle to Ruth Elizabeth, who clocks in at a hefty 8lbs. 12oz! I won't get a chance to meet her until this weekend, but she and her mother (my sister) are doing fine.

There will be pictures. Oh, yes, there will.

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August 10, 2005

Some Girl(s)

You can't go to London and not go to the theatre. At least, I can't. Unfortunately, since I was working so much during this trip, it was hard to break away and get out in the evening; usually I was pretty exhausted by the time I returned to the hotel.

However, during our last few days in London, my wife and I did get a chance to catch Some Girl(s) at the Gielgud Theatre. (Coincidentally, I've seen several plays here in the past.)

I wanted to see Some Girl(s) because it was written by Neil LaBute, not because it was starring David Schwimmer. I don't really have an opinion on Schwimmer one way or the other. On one hand, he is a founding member of Chicago's Lookingglass Theatre Company, which is decidedly cool. On the other hand, he was on Friends, which is decidedly not. But I'm a big fan of Labute's film work (In the Company of Men, Your Friends and Neighbors, Nurse Betty) so I figured this would be worth a trip... seats in London can be had pretty cheap.

Without going into all the details, the play centers around a nameless "Man" who is about to get married and is revisiting some of his past relationships, which ended badly (or did they?) in some sort of last ditch soul-searching exercise. I don't want to give away anything about the play, so I'll stop there. The female cast members were all quite good, although each of their characters felt a little stereotyped to me... not a lot of dimension, although, that seems to have been deliberate for serving the purpose of the visits.

Schwimmer was, well, as far as I can tell, Schwimmer. I've only seen one or two episodes of Friends. It seems to be one of those shows that people say, "oh, it's better than you think, you just have to watch and get to know the characters." So I try, and I see an episode that, evidently, wouldn't be so downright stupid if I "knew the characters" and give up. Only to try again later and end up seeing a re-run of the same episode. Or is it? Anyway, as far as I can tell, the character development of "Man" in Some Girl(s) is a little too close for comfort to the Ross character Schwimmer played on Friends. The character is a shlub. Likable enough, but still kind of a whiny shlub. Which Schwimmer does play well, but you never get past Schwimmer into believing the shlub. (Unlike the amazing Matt Malloy, who in In the Company of Man takes shlub to a whole new level, opposite the equally talented Aaron Eckhart... but I digress.)

Overall, not a bad night out at the theatre, but I wouldn't expect Some Girl(s) to make it out of the West End. It felt a little like a piece that was being work shopped, and still had a way to go.

Keywords/Tags: england, london, personal, theatre, travel
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Chowki

I had a chance to explore some of the curry houses of Brick Lane before my wife arrived. However, she wanted to try some Indian while in London, so we hit some review sites and found a place very close to a theatre we were going to see a show at. That place was Chowki.

The decor at Chowki was a little on the hip-for-the-sake-of-hip side for me, but it doesn't matter. I would highly recommend the place, especially if you are out for a night of theatre. It's less than a block off Picadilly Circus, so it's very convenient to an amazing number of theaters and it's also some of the most unique Indian food I've had.

For reasons I won't go into here *cough*imperialism*cough* London is swimming with Indian/Bangladeshi restaurants. I couldn't find decent Mexican there to save my life, but man, the variety of food from the Asian subcontinent was amazing.

Chowki features a rotating menu that showcases different regions of India each month. So there were only a few dishes on the menu that I recognized from the traditional Indian fare we get around Chicago. The August menu featured cuisine from Bangladesh, Gujarat and Karnataka.

We began with starters from Karnataka that featured a chili-chicken dish with onions and coconut that was so flavorful, with just a little kick. For our main course, we went hog wild, with some Chicken Kori Gassi, and another dish of flageolet beans and peagon peas, all rounded out with a "meat" kebab selection. We left very full and very satisfied.

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The Tate Modern

The last time I was in London, several years ago, the Tate Modern was only days away from opening. I was very disappointed not to be able to see it, so this time around, there was no way I was going to miss it. Overall, I'm very glad I went--everyone visiting London should go. But have to say that I was pretty disappointed with the collection.

Let me preface this by saying that I love art museums. I'm spoiled in that I've had a chance to visit: The National Gallery, the Hirshhorn, the Guggenheim, the Met, MoMA, the British National Gallery, the Dali Museum, the Van Gogh Museum, the Louvre and I happen to live in a city with it's own great museum, The Art Institute of Chicago. So I have high museum expectations.

That said, the Tate Modern is the coolest space for an art museum. Ever. It's an old hydro-electrical generator station along the banks of the Thames, and wow, it is an amazingly impressive space. So impressive, in fact, that it completely dwarfs and diminishes the collection inside.

The collection at the Tate isn't laid out by artist or period, but rather by subject matter, for example, "Nude/Action/Body" or "Still Life/Object/Real Life." I actually really like that organizational structure. It allows you to see how different artists from different periods approached similar subjects, which is very cool.

The collection has some "star" artists, there are some pieces by Picasso and Matisse, some Duchamp (yawn) and Koons. There's a few Monet's and a Kandinsky, but all of them are just kind of blah... with only a few exceptions, they seem to be lesser pieces from lesser periods. Not that it all has to be wildly popular to be a good museum, but the Tate just left me feeling, well, underwhelmed--at least the collection.

There were some good photographic pieces, some so-so Cindy Sherman work (stuff at MoMA is much better). There are some great Stieglitz and Weston nudes, which were almost canceled out but the awful, awful, awful Gilbert & George work. Oh, man, awful.

My two favorite things were the "Thames River Dig" and the Rothko room. The Thames Dig is a room that features found objects from a project that involved an archaeological dig along the Thames with a bunch of school children--slightly out of place for an art museum, but totally cool nonetheless.

I liked the Rothko room because it featured these massive red/mauve/grey pieces that were very abstract and atmospheric... moody. They were among the only pieces that fit the scale of the space--which I think is the major problem with the Tate. It's this really amazing space on an immense scale which just tends to dwarf the exhibits and make the artwork fade into the background. It's such a cool an exciting space that it really works against the collection.

Who knows, maybe the collection wouldn't seem so dull if it were in a more traditional museum building. Maybe it would. On the whole, I'm very glad I got a chance to see it, and if you're in London, you might as well stop by. The area has a lot going on (it's not far from St. Paul, the Millennium Bridge, Parliament, Westminster, etc.) and the building itself is pretty damn impressive. Just don't expect to be blown away by the art.

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August 8, 2005

Bath

Today was the day of Bath.

First, because the B&B has no shower. I like soaking as much as the next guy... in fact, one of my favorite things about traveling in Japan was the Japanese baths. However, I am a large man. A large American man. When I want to be clean, I want a shower. No such luck. So I started the day with a bath.

Then it was a delicious sausage and egg breakfast (no hot tomato for me--I'm sorry, English tomatoes bite. Why are the British such good gardeners, and yet, can't seem to manage a decent tomato? But I digress) and then we were back out on the country roads to Bath.

Bath, home of the only hot springs in England and the ruins of ancient Roman Baths is very picturesque town. The architecture is interesting and the baths are pretty cool. There's also a great bridge by the river. It's a great town to spend the day in relaxing, taking in some tourist sites and shopping, just ambling about, seeing some interesting things and accomplishing nothing. It was a very welcome and needed break after the last weeks of work. I feel so recharged. And tonight it's dinner back at the B&B!!

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Talbot Inn, Mells

We arrived at the B&B where we are staying and it's a very charming little coaching inn located in the medieval village of Mells. It's called the Talbot Inn.Mells, in case you were wondering, is somewhere between Radstock and Frome, not too far from Bath. Okay, so you can picture it, right? It was recommended to me at the office party when I was really drunk, but I recall the gentleman who recommended it saying they had a fantastic restaurant.

Anyway, Mells is very quaint, as in, there's a Post Office/Store here and not much else. My wife and I are traveling out this way with a friend, and we all remarked that if this were a similar sized town in America, we'd all be thinking "Deliverance," but instead, it's cute. Very cute. Darling, in fact. There's a church (St. Andrews) down the road from the inn, so we walked down and had a look around the courtyard. It was a very old church, let me tell you, and very pretty. In fact, it's pretty all over around here... and quiet. A person could really get used to this.

Now, I did mention that this place had a good restaurant, right? Because this place has a good restaurant. It is really amazing... forget everything I've said about British food. Well, not everything. But this place is outstanding. We split a bunch of appetizers, which included a carmalized apple and blue cheese tatin, some mussels in cream and white wine sauce, and some Scottish smoked salmon. All were out of this world. The we had our main courses... I had a fillet with wild mushroom ragou in a Madeira sauce, with garlic roasted potatoes. Did I say out of this world??! My wife had the lamb though, and--oh my god--I'm getting the lamb tonight!! It was the most tender, succulent lamb... with none of that "lamb" smell/flavor/aftertaste. It was simply out of this world food.

If you're ever traveling out this way, I'd have to recommend this place as a B&B. The rooms have all the quirks--like low ceilings in the bathrooms and weird stairways--that you associate with country B&Bs, with a staff who are friendly and outgoing and a restaurant that is simply amazing.

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August 7, 2005

Stonehenge

We stopped at Stonehenge on our way to Bath and I was just as awed as the last time I saw it. One of the people in our group wasn't that impressed--or so it seemed--but my wife and I were pretty amazed. I hadn't been since I was a kid, and although it seems silly to say so, a lot has changed.

The biggest change was that when I was a kid, you could walk right up to the stones and touch them. You can't do that anymore, it's now roped off. Which is kind of a shame. You still can appreciate what an amazing thing Stonehenge is by looking at it. Those rocks are big. But it really instills a sense of just how massive they are when you can stand at their base and reach out to touch them.

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Driving in England

Today, we began an English countryside adventure. We're going over to Bath for a few days, in a rental car. Ordinarily, this in itself would not be newsworthy. However, seeing that we drive on the opposite side of the road in America, it was.

Actually, I discovered several things about driving in England today. First, as long as things are going well, driving on the opposite (in this case, left) side of the road isn't horrible. Most of the time, you are in traffic, so just follow the guy ahead of you and you're okay. Second, roundabouts may be great fun as a passenger and they might improve the flow of traffic, but they are just plain dangerous--especially if you are an American, concentrating on staying on the proper side of the road. Third, English country roads are narrow. I've been on them before and I don't remember them being this narrow, although, I was never driving.

And fourth, coming back to point one... when you're tooling along and not having any problems, this other side of the road business is dandy. But what happens when you are on a single-lane country road, and a van from some florist is coming at you at a high rate of speed? "No problem, I'll just pull over," you might think to yourself. This presents two problems. The trees/hedges are cropped very close to the road, so there isn't really anywhere to pull over. The bigger problem, however, is 16+ years of experience driving on the other side of the road. When faced with an imminent collision, your instinct takes over. And if you are an American, as I am, your instinct says, "Pull over! Now! To the right". But, uh, your right is the other driver's left, so you both pull over... and end up looking at the driver opposite you thinking, "What an idiot!" until you realize you are sitting on the opposite side of the road from where you should be--the opposite being the opposite of what you are used to--and you have to sheepishly wave and realize that you are, indeed, the idiot.

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Done!

Sorry for the infrequent updates (to all three of you reading) but I got side-tracked, oh, I dunno, working...

This week was the first full week the new London office was up and running, so things were very chaotic. We were finishing up installation and testing on so many systems right up to the wire on Monday morning and we've been updating, de-bugging and troubleshooting all week.

All in all, it was a very successful opening week. Everyone seemed to really like the new space and really take advantage of all that it has to offer. And in spite of the fact that the space was now full of people working and going to class, we still managed to get an incredible amount of work done this week.

I pronounce it a success! Now, let's hope my boss does.

They had a party for the contractors and specialists from the States on Thursday as a show of thanks. It was quite nice. The contractor was there, people from the architect, etc. Of course, I was seriously under-dressed, as I'd just come from punch listing a room with one of the systems contractors. However, much wine was had--and I mean much wine--and a good time was had by all. I really do love the British, and I like them even more when we are all drunk.

I also got some tips on places to stay and things to see when I'm "on vacation" with my wife next week. We're going to go to Bath for a few days and then spend a few more days in London before returning to the states.

So, as I head out of work land and into actually traveling land, the updates may get more sporadic (as if that is possible). I'm still going to write them, though, and just post them all as a batch when I return.

As my British counterparts all seem so fond of saying, cheers!

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August 6, 2005

Kulu Kulu Sushi

Sushi Night!

Anyone who knows me knows that I loves me some raw fish on rice! So with the help of some recommendations, I found Kulu Kulu Sushi near Soho/Covent Garden and decided to give sushi in London a shot. I was not disappointed.

For some reason Kaiten sushi places seem to be more rare in the States than in Japan, or in Britain for some reason. In fact, all of the places in Chicago are Sushi-ya or Izakaya (as far as I know). If you've never been Kaiten are "conveyor belt" sushi restaurants, where instead of ordering from an Itamae, you grab what you want off a giant conveyor belt that keeps new and tempting pieces rolling past you all evening long. If you haven't been to one, go.

Kulu Kulu was quite tasty and as far as sushi is concerned, quite affordable. There was a good mix of nigiri and I had a really excellent soft-shell crab temaki that was out of this world.

I won't compare sushi in London (or the U.S. for that matter) to eating Sushi in Japan--it's just not fair. However, I will say that Kulu Kulu was as good as many of the places I've had sushi in the States, although not quite as good as the best sushi I've had in the states. Since my experience with sushi in London was limited, I can't say how good Kulu Kulu is in relation to other London offerings, but I will say that it was good quality, tasty and affordable, which means I wouldn't hesitate to go back again.

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Ringtones

Okay, are the British as obsessed with ringtones as the telly would have me believe? When I come back to the hotel from work and flip on the news (granted, this is usually later at night) I see dozens of ads for "ringtones" and "wallpaper" for cell (sorry, mobile) phones. They are all really, really silly and/or annoying.

I'm sorry, the "Crazy Frog" is not cute nor clever, it's just goddamn annoying.

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Why?

Do they call it a 10,000 Meter race in track and field competitions, instead of calling it a 10 Kilometer race?

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August 4, 2005

Refettorio

Do you normally associate great restaurants with hotels? I don't. Maybe you do, but I don't. Tonight we hit Refettorio though, which is located in the Crowne Plaza hotel, not far from our hotel in London (The City). The place came recommended for its cheese and salami selections, and I'm a cheese fiend. So we gave it a shot...

We weren't disappointed. The cheese was outstanding--especially this creamy Gorgonzola that was the most amazing Gorgonzola I have ever had. It was phenomenal. The pasta was out of this world too, all hand made. I had a linguine with pesto and some Sangiovese and ended up going back to the hotel a well fed man.

It wasn't the best restaurant I've been to on this trip, but it was a solid restaurant that I would go to again, hotel or not.

Keywords/Tags: england, food, london, personal, restaurants, travel
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August 3, 2005

Barcelona

Tapas tonight! And I mentioned to one of the Brits at work and they said, "You're going to a topless bar with your wife??" Nice to know that the English use the same stale jokes we do.

Anyway, we went to a tapas place called Barcelona, which apparently has multiple locations, but we didn't know that at the time. We went to the original, which is on Bell Lane not terribly far from Brick Lane (Indian central). From the outside, you would think it was a total dive. And from the inside it has the most uncomfortable bar stools ever. But the decor is still very bright and lively. And for what it lacked in decor, it made up for in quality. On the whole, some of the best tapas I've ever had. Everything we sampled was delicious... the Mejillones con Sofrito (mussels) were absolutely fantastic and the patatas bravas were just the right balance of flavor and spice. I could go on-and-on about the menu, but since we had so many dishes, it would take forever. Just go check out the menu on their website.

I was speaking with another co-worker about Spain--I've never been. He was saying how great it was to walk out of work at 9:30-10:00PM into the warm night air as restaurants are just beginning their first seatings and to feel the cool Mediterranean breeze. He did a great sales job; Spain has moved way up on my "must visit" lists. Any place that believes that dinner shouldn't start until 10pm and that thinks mid-day naps are an important part of life gets a huge thumbs up from me.

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July 28, 2005

Tiffinbites

The work days have been very long this week, since it's the new opening of the facility. Students are now here, and we're still behind schedule, so we're working all day, trying to squeeze in little bits here and there, and arriving early/staying late in order to work when they are not around.

So no time to do much, including eat out. However, at Mooregate Station I discovered (thanks to a co-worker) fast food that is pretty damn cool: Tiffinbites. It's a fast-food Indian place. So they have your standard Indian dishes, lamb rogan josh, briyani, various tandori, etc. in these little takeaway dishes (plastic tiffin, actually). You pick out what you want and they heat it up, make you some fresh naan, and you are good to go. Or you can pick from a selection of "snacks" like samosa, aloo, poppadums, etc. three for two pounds. It's a damn good deal for London and tasty to boot.

Speaking of London pricing... everything here is numerically equivalent... so a t-shirt at the Gap that would be 9.99 dollars in the states is still 9.99 pounds here. Which sucks. With an exchange rate hovering around 1.75, it makes London a pretty expensive city, even if it is really world class.

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July 27, 2005

You know what I hate?

One Pence coins. You think pennies are good for nothing? Pence are truly, absolutly and completely worthless. I hate them. I'm no fan of Two Pence coins, either.

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July 25, 2005

Brick Lane

Tonight it was time to sample some of that delicious Indian food that London has been tempting me with since I deplaned. So I hoped on the tube and made my way to Brick Lane.

If you haven't been to Brick Lane, it's several blocks of Indian eats. All types, including a lot of Bangladeshi places as well. Tonight, I opted for Bangladeshi. I chose this place called City Spice, I will admit, mostly because they had a good "tout" and they had good reviews from Time Out London in their window. I was not disappointed.

The place was pretty reasonably priced for the food, all in all, I spend �12 on dinner, and it was worth every pence.

I started off with some Aloo Chop, which is lamb and some vegetables wrapped in a nice spicy potato mixture and fried to a crisp. It was really fantastic! It was served with a sweet yogurt sauce that was the perfect compliment, really a great starter.

After that, I had chicken Ureebisi Gatta, which is chicken cooked with green chili coriander, onion, many other spices and the seeds of Runner Beans. It started off pretty mild, but had a real nice spice build to it, so by the time I was finishing, I had some nice sweat coming off my upper lip. Good stuff.

The waiter told me it was an authentic Bangladeshi dish, which I have no reason not to believe, although, the most popular Indian dish in London is this stuff called Chicken Tikka Masala, which is an entirely British creation. Still, I might try it. After all, when in London...

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Whilst I'm Away...

I've been noticing the differences between Londoners and Chicagoans. The one that always sticks in my mind is "whilst". I've never heard an American say, "whilst" anything. I have no idea why that interests me, but it does.

I'm still shaking out my schedule a little bit, it generally takes me a few days to get really localized, but I'm pretty good today. Since I'm here working, I didn't really have much of a chance to ease into anything. Just woke up the first morning and go-go-go.

Fortunately, my hotel is nice, with great wireless access. I've been able to "call" my wife easily (thank you, Skype!!) and for free. I did call once on the actual phone, and you know, Skype sounds better! I really do love travel in the modern age.

Getting here was a real hassle though, because the tube line that would be direct is closed in the middle due to the bombings. I didn't notice people being more spooked on the tube, but I must admit, it crossed my mind when I was riding. I'm not sure if that's because I'm an American, blasted by the media into an irrational fear of terrorism, or if it is because the bombings here were just so recent. Either way, I did notice a very pronounced police presence around the tube stations which have never been there on any previous trips to London.

I've started a new Flickr gallery for this trip, although, I didn't bring the "good" camera, since I wanted to travel light. And it is a working trip (for now) so I wouldn't expect any brilliant images, at least whilst I'm working.

So, if anyone out there has any suggestions for places to eat or evening things to do, I'm all ears.

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July 21, 2005

London

I leave for London on Saturday. I sincerely hope this is the most uneventful trip I've ever taken.

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July 20, 2005

Hungry Cats.

The most effective alarm clock on Earth.

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July 15, 2005

Friday Spies

This weeks Friday Spies� : Living and Dying in 3/4 Time Edition from BTQ is pretty good, so here goes:

1. What time do you go to bed? What time do you wake up?

I usually go to bed between 1:30-2:00AM, and I get up at 6:30AM. I found out last year that I have pretty bad sleep apnea. Since I got my CPAP machine, I've slept so much better--it's amazing. It pisses off my wife, who constantly says, "You'd be a lot more tired if you didn't have your magic sleep machine."

2. What do you want done to/with your body after you die?

Well, I'm pretty outspoken about it, but my vital organs (if they are usable) such as my kidney, liver, heart, etc. are to be donated. But I am not--100%, absolutely, in no uncertain terms--to be buried. I would rather not be embalmed, either. I want to be cremated. Fire that baby up and toast my dead ass to a crisp. The thought of my body decomposing just plain creeps me out. Cremated. Got it?

3. Describe your dream house.

First and foremost, it must have a front porch. And not a wimpy, tiny little thing but a real, prairie style, large and fit for entertaining porch. I'm partial to older homes. I'd love an older prairie style or restored Victorian. Wood floors and lots of wood work. And a basement, a finished basement where I could have a studio... I really miss having a nice studio space. Condo living in the city is cool, but the space restriction does cramp my style somewhat. A nice back-yard would be swell and trees are an absolute must.

4. Are you an excellent driver? Do you speed, or drive the speed
limit? Ever been ticketed?

I drive like ass, generally. Not intentionally; I just have a tendency to let my mind wander, zone out on the road, or rock out to music. Or I get wrapped up in a "driveway moment" on NPR--except I'm not in my driveway. And I have one major lead foot. I've gotten a ton of speeding tickets and once had so many points on my license that I had to go to mandatory defensive driving school.

5. What is your favorite animal, mineral, and vegetable?

Animal: Cats
Mineral: NaCl
Vegetable: Spinach

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July 8, 2005

Politics and the English Language

I should be working on my submission for the write-on competition. Well, I was working on my case note, but I took a break and Ray pointed me to a George Orwell site, causing a significant detour.

Orwell is one of my favorite writers and, I believe, the greatest essayist I've ever read. (Well, Mencken and Twain do rank up there--can you tell I like a smart ass?)

Anyway, have you read, "Politics and the English Language"? You should.

Keywords/Tags: politics, writing
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Posted by Dave! Permalink

June 16, 2005

A Tale of Two Law Students: Me

This is the tale of two law students: Dave and Dave. The first half of this (very long) post was written the day after I took my first exam of my second semester. As you will see, I was pretty despondent. When I finished, I decided that although writing about it was cathartic, posting it would only have revealed half of the story�my perception at the time, but not the reality of my performance. The rest of the story would have to wait until grades were released.

This week, I received the grades, and so I drafted the second half of the post. Here are both parts...

May 13, 2005

Self-realization. I was thinking of the immortal words of Socrates, when he said, "I drank what?" �Real Genius

Have you ever known something? I mean known it? Mastered it, backward and forward, like the back of your hand, inside and out, clich� after clich�? Well, that's how I felt about Contracts.

Contracts made sense. Not only that, I studied for this exam. Hard. I re-read all of the cases (no fooling'). I summarized them. I re-read all the relevant sections of the Restatement and the UCC. I outlined. I knew this shit cold. And it was an open book exam!

For class, I'd read the cases. I'd participated in class. I'd studied the material. If law school grades were based on some reasonable assessment of knowledge, say, a series of assignments during the semester comprised of quizzes, papers, a mid-term and a final, I would rock Contracts like Tenacious D on meth.

Instead, law school is based on the one final/one grade paradigm. This is a clever system designed to�well, I have no idea what it's designed to do. Apparently it's designed to determine: (1) who takes tests better; (2) who was having a better day; (3) who responds best to completely bogus artificial pressures that have no bearing on your real knowledge and/or mastery of the material but will nonetheless determine whether you clerk for the honorable Judge Whitey or have an ad for bankruptcy ((info))((tapes))℠ on the back of the local yellow pages.

If you sat down with me for an afternoon, engaged in a discussion of contracts, I think you would walk away from our conversation saying, "Wow, he really has a fundamental grasp of the material." If you read my exam answers from yesterday, you would say, "can this freak even tie his own shoes?"

I walked into the exam psyched. I was ready for it. In fact, I would almost say I was looking forward to it. This test was different.™ Our professor wanted us to cite cases! Our professor wanted us to answer real application questions! He even warned us: irrelevant doctrine would result in the subtraction of points, so no kitchen sink, mind-dump here. No! You had to know the law and apply it. Cool! The instructions even contained phrases that strike fear into the heart of most law students: some of the questions could be answered in a few sentences! (Unlike this essay.)

Now, remember that I said this was an open book test. So, I cracked the exam and read the first question. Here is a selection of my inner dialog:

"Whoa. This is a no-brainer. Wait. Is it? Maybe it's not as simple as I think. I must be missing something. Okay. Stick to the game plan. Just read the questions, no thinking, no writing. Read. Digest."

"Okay. Done. This is too easy. Wait a minute. I am so, totally and completely missing something. Wait. Stop. You're getting distracted. STICK TO THE PLAN. Okay, better. Outline answer number one."

"Hmmm. That seems too short, too simple. I have to be missing something... what am I forgetting?! Hey, okay, I know I wasn't going to use it... but the case book is right there. Just check a thing or two. Quickly. No, really, I'll be quick--the clock is ticking."

At that point, it's was all over. I'd fscked it all up; I opened the case book and frantically searched for "what I was missing" but I never did find it. What I did find was that I'd wasted a considerable amount of time second-guessing myself on what should have been a throw away question. So now, turning my attention to the next question, I was already behind. Needless to say, I didn't really finish the last question (there were three total). My last answer consisted of an outline, some paragraph sketches, and a little note indicating that I had run out of time.

I completely screwed myself on this one. I went from confident, feeling like I knew the material to a wishy-washy second-guesser in about five minutes flat. Why?

Because the pressure is really overwhelming. You've spent 3-4 months reading 1200 pages of cases for this class and your entire grade is going to be determined within this one, 3.5 hour window. It's about as far removed from nearly any real-life situation I've ever faced. I've never had a boss come to me and say, "you know that big project we've been evaluating for the last six months? I'd like a report for the board in three hours. Just write as much as you can remember about the project�oh, and your raise depends on how the board feels about this report."

Nor has my wife, an attorney, ever been told by a judge, "I want that motion on my desk in three hours." Hell, I can't tell you how many times she's gone to court and at the end of the day I'll ask how it went, only to hear, "the other guy asked for a continuance. I have to go back in two months."

So what exactly are we being tested on? This isn't a criticism of my Contracts professor�he was a good teacher. In fact, I think his exam (using real world questions and open book) was much closer to reality than some of the other exams I've taken, which were glorified, "Take the next three hours to write anything and everything you can about the subject" types of exams.

But we all have bad days and we don't all respond the same under the type of pressure you face in an exam situation. Does that mean that you're going to be a bad attorney? I highly doubt it. The demands of trial practice aren't the same as a transactional real estate practice. The exam is a highly artificial metric which doesn't really test much more than your ability to take law school exams. But this exam determines your grade and therefore your "worth" as a student, which is in turn used by employers to gage your "worth" as a potential employee. I can't be the only one who thinks this system is fundamentally flawed.

In the end, I'm just very, very depressed about the whole experience. Depressed because I feel as though my performance was below what I am capable of; depressed because I know that this one bad day is going to drag down my GPA and I'll spend the rest of school trying to catch up; depressed because now I'm completely drained and I have to turn around and study for another exam; and most of all, depressed because I let this bullshit get to me like this.

June 16, 2005

I have received the grades for my classes last semester. It's hard for me to express just how utterly and completely devastated I was after my Contracts exam. I was so angry with myself for not having stuck to my exam plan as close as I would have liked and for letting the pressure of the exam get to me.

I know that grades are not the end-all-be-all of existence. I'd been out of school long enough before returning to law school to know that my performance in the workplace, my skills, and my ideas are good and valuable to employers and I know that although grades might matter for that first job, they fade pretty quickly.

After the exam, I took a day off. I spent some time with my wife and I decided I would not post-mortem the exam in any way. So I left Contracts behind and moved on to Property.

I was very careful to follow the study plan I'd outlined and every day I reminded myself that it was just a test. Consequently, this time, I was able to stick to my exam plan and I walked out of the exam feeling somewhat confident. Somewhat. I was still plagued by that same doubt I think all law students�if not all students�face: that I somehow missed a major point, resulting in poor answers that were incomplete or just plain wrong.

I still think that the law school exam process is very flawed. There is a very definite bent to law school, almost military�a "break you down in order to rebuild you" sort of thing going on. Except law school doesn't rebuild you. They pay a lot of lip service to "thinking like a lawyer" which I suppose may be true if thinking like a lawyer means saying to hell with advice, mentorship and teaching and learning nearly everything on your own. That's law school in a nutshell�they break you down, alright, but the rebuilding is up to you. It's the most expensive self-study course you'll ever take.

That isn't to say I haven't had a good experience. On the whole, I have. That alone should be evidence of the insanity that is law school. I'm sure you're asking yourself right now, "Wait, he was just going on and on about how exams nearly killed him and now he's saying it's a good experience?! Waaa?" But it's true. This is the first time in my life I've actually had to work in school. There is something satisfying about that, in a perverse way.

This semester I had two very good professors�one of whom is among the best professors I have ever had. But even in his class, performance evaluation still came down to that one day, those 3.5 hours spent sitting in front of a computer, trying to condense a semester's worth of knowledge into a few pages cogent enough to demonstrate that you may have actually learned something.

I still think it's a crap way to evaluate students.

So what did all this self-imposed drama teach me? I'm not sure. Mostly it confirmed that I'm my own worst enemy and the real danger lies in taking myself too seriously. But now I have some more experience under my belt and I know just how much difference remaining calm and keeping perspective can make. I only hope I can retain that insight as I continue to "rebuild" myself and start "thinking like a lawyer".

Oh, if you were wondering, I rocked both exams.
Rock over London, rock out Chicago!

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Posted by Dave! Permalink | Comments (3)

May 16, 2005

Dave: Postmodern Existentialist

What is Your World View?

[Via Will Work for Favorable Dicta]

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Posted by Dave! Permalink

May 10, 2005

Whoa.

16 Million Reserve scores, well, 16 million Scovilles. Even for a hot sauce fan like me, that is insane. Seriously, if you have asthma, it could actually kill you. Talk about killer wings...

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Posted by Dave! Permalink

May 4, 2005

Right Brained Dave!

Although, I think the question, "Are you more musical or mathematical" is off--to me they are linked. But it still pegged me:

[Via Divine Angst]

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Posted by Dave! Permalink | Comments (1)

April 27, 2005

Surprise, surprise

Keywords/Tags: chicago, personal
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April 22, 2005

The Devil is Beating His Wife

The title of this post is a new phrase I learned for when it's raining and the sun is shining... thanks to the "What Kind of American English Do You Speak?" quiz. That has got to be a phrase from the south.

According to the quiz, I speak:

• 85% General American English
• 10% Dixie
• 5% Upper Midwestern
• 0% Midwestern
• 0% Yankee

Which I find interesting since: (1) I grew up in the Midwest; (2) I was educated entirely in the Midwest; and, (3) I still live in the Midwest.

So what does that mean? Apparently, we of Midwestern ilk have mastered English cold. Ain't we?

[Via divine angst]

Keywords/Tags: personal, writing
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Posted by Dave! Permalink | Comments (5)

April 16, 2005

How Much Am I Worth?

I am worth $2,495,720.00 on HumanForSale.com

Now if I could only find someone willing to pay me what I'm worth. :)

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April 13, 2005

The Katana of Warm Humanitarianism

My Unitarian Jihad Name is "The Katana of Warm Humanitarianism!"

Since I was raised (well, as much as anything else) Unitarian, I thought this was hilarious...

[Via Wordlab]

Keywords/Tags: humor, personal
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Posted by Dave! Permalink | Comments (1)

April 10, 2005

Make Your Own South Park Character

Here's a cool Make Your Own South Park Character Flash. Not entirely inaccurate. :)

With some minor mods the Flash didn't account for... ;)

[Via Will Work for Favorable Dicta]

Keywords/Tags: animation, personal
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Posted by Dave! Permalink

April 8, 2005

Bird's Eye Dave

Google Maps are so cool. Here's a bird's eye, well, okay space monster's eye view of where I've spent most of my time on Earth:

Where I Grew Up

Where I Went to College

Where I Call Home

Where I Work

Where I Go To School

[Idea via Divine Angst]

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Posted by Dave! Permalink

April 1, 2005

Friday Spies

Another installment, courtesy BTQ

1. Have you ever been in a car wreck?

Just some minor fender benders in high school. Nothing since. *knock on wood*

2. Sunrise or sunset?

Sunset. The only time I see the sunrise is from the other side...

3. If you could change, amend, delete, or pass one law, what would it be?

That is a *hard* questions... so many need help! Would I reform copyright... patent? I dunno. I'd probably delete the DMCA.

4. What is your favorite single article of clothing?

My red Vans... I love those shoes.

5. If you could/had to spend the day hanging out with another blogger (one you don't already know), who would it be and what would you do?

That's tough, too.

I wouldn't mind designing a set for BLM over at In Limine to light...

I should get to know some of the bloggers in my own backyard... like Sua Sponte or Mother in Law...

But Evan knows all the hot spots in Prague... so how could you turn that down?

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March 10, 2005

The Perfect Gift!

Everyone is going to be wearing one one of these this year. Phat, indeed. Christ be down with the bling, yo.

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March 6, 2005

Women and Shoes

I think this conversation between my wife and I sums it up:

"You already have a pair almost exactly like those, don't you?"

"But these shoes are completely different! I've been looking for a pair like this for a long time."

"How are they different?"

"The heel is 1/2" shorter, for one."

"Um, okay. But you never wear that other pair anymore, why don't you at least give them away to make room in the closet for this new pair?"

"I can't give away that pair, they were a present."

"A present from who?"

"Myself."

Keywords/Tags: humor
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Posted by Dave! Permalink | Comments (3)

February 18, 2005

Should bloggers accept free stuff?

Ernie the Attorney asks the burning question on every blogger's mind these days, "Should bloggers accept free stuff?"

There's only one answer to that: back up the truck, baby, papa needs some schwag!! :)

Keywords/Tags: blogging
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Posted by Dave! Permalink | Comments (2)

February 16, 2005

I Park Like An Idiot

Okay, I need some of these.

[iparklikeanidiot.com via del.icio.us]

Keywords/Tags: humor
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Posted by Dave! Permalink | Comments (3)

February 14, 2005

Griffin Scott

Welcome into the world Griffin Scott F., the new baby son of my friends Kim and Dusty. Weighing in at 8lbs. 11 oz. he was born after 30 hours of labor! Yipes! I haven't had the pleasure of meeting him yet, but his father tells me he was born with a full head of dark hair.

Keywords/Tags: personal
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Posted by Dave! Permalink | Comments (1)

Changes...

I made a few minor changes to the ol' blog tonight. First, I added my logo to my RSS Feed... let me know if that breaks anything. Second, I added a blogroll, just because I read a number of great blogs, and I figured they deserve some exposure. If you feel left out of the blogroll, just ask... I think I got everyone, but I'm only human, and it's late.

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January 29, 2005

Uncle Dave!

My sister just enformed me that she starting a brood. In nine months, I will be Uncle Dave! Kristyna and I are considering spawning ourselves, but I don't know if I could handle work, school and fatherhood. Although, as they say, if everyone waited until they were 100% ready to be parents, no one would ever breed.

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January 23, 2005

Attention, K-Mart Shoppers

Energy Spatula posted about her worst job experience, and in the spirit of sharing, I thought I would pass along mine...

The first "real job" I ever had was at Wendy's, which all in all, could have been a lot worse. There were times when it was actually fun, since nearly everyone else was a goofy teenager and most of the managers were desperately trying to reclaim their goofy teenage years. But after a while, leaving work every night smelling like grease does get to you, even when you're 16, and so I decided to leave for greener pastures.

I'd secured a job at K-Mart, in the shoe department of all places. Now, this was before the days of financial ruin for K-Mart, pre-Wal-Mart, but K-Mart was still a second-tier retailer in the seedier part of town. Our store was near the mall, but it wasn't part of it. And this was also in the day of the infamous "Blue Light Special".

I cannot possibly impart to you the horrors that are the shoe department of a grungy K-Mart. You have no idea. The best thing that one could say about it was that at least, unlike a regular shoe store, we didn't have to wait on customers.

Still, on occasion, someone would ask us to measure their shoe size. We had those metal feet measuring devices, I have no idea what they were called, but you know the ones. Usually it was to measure some squirming kid's foot, because their mother didn't know the size, kids growing as fast as they do. Sometimes it was an octogenarian who simply couldn't remember. But on an unsettling number of occasions, it was a perv who obviously either enjoyed having someone have to touch their feet, or inflicting life altering embarrassment for a teenage wage slave. It never really bothered me, but there were a couple of females in the department I felt really sorry for.

Most of the time, the job consisted of stocking and straightening. You would walk up and down the isles of knock-off Nikes, and counterfeit Converse and see what you were running low on. None of the shoes were brand-names, but they were all designed to look slightly similar to brand names. This lead to questions from customers all the time, such as, "You got dem nicky shoes?" "Um, no." "What about dem?" (Pointing to a generic pair of blue running shoes.) "Well, those aren't Nikes, but they are sneakers." I have no idea who actually made the shoes, but they all came in boxes from Comdisco, with a whole lot of Chinese writing. Except the work boots. Those had big American flags on the side and said, "Made in America," right above all the Chinese writing.

You'd unpack the shoes, stack the shoe boxes-at least the boxes of those shoes that came in boxes. Most of them came in plastic baggies, which you would throw into a bin. When you'd walk the rows of footwear out on the floor and encountered a hole, you'd go back to the stock room, grab a pair or three of the appropriate model, and fill the whole. Ad nauseum. You'd be amazed at what a mess people can make of a shoe department. Straightening out the department was the majority of a nights work.

You'd also be surprised at how often people used the shelves as a garbage bin. We'd find all kinds of crap on the shelves where shoes were supposed to be. Other products people decided they didn't want, but didn't feel like returning to the department where they belonged, empty packages of toys that likely found their way into a pocket or purse, food containers from the cafeteria. And once, the most disgusting thing: a used baby diaper.

The most common thing we'd find among the shoes, however, was shoes. Used shoes. Nappy, smelly, disgusting shoes. Shoes that should have been replaced several months before, now snug in a new shoe box, or nestled among the new imitation Chinese sneakers. It seems, since the department was unmanned, that people felt they could just slip off the old gross shoes, into a shiny new pair and walk out. They were, in general, right. We hardly ever caught shoplifters. Mostly because we were overworked an understaffed. And because they employed high school kids like me who just didn't give a shit.

We had a two-way mirror on the second floor of the stock room where security would sometimes sit and watch for "shrinkage". But most of the time it was empty. I used to sit at the mirror sometimes on my break, eating my lunch. I'd see people steal all kinds of stuff, and I never reported any of it. I had a boss who was a real, well, bitch. She never cut a single employee any slack, so in my addled teenage mind, I figured I was on my break. If I wasn't punched in on the clock, I wasn't reporting shit.

Running the "Blue Light Special" was actually the best part of the job. The "Blue Light" would rotate from department to department, so everyone got a taste of the action. Being the shoe department, our specials usually consisted of bright pink flip-flops, or tubs full of jellies. But man, you would get on the loud-speaker and announce, "Attention K-Mart Shoppers!" and you felt like a god. All over the store old ladies would stop, perk their ears and then submit to your siren call. Standing there by that flashing blue light, handset in hand, you could have commanded them to follow you into battle, if they had a chance of saving 35% on not-quite-brand-name footwear.

In the end, it was my "manager" that pushed me over the edge. All in all, I was quite a responsible employee, but I'd gone through a round of illness. She must have thought I'd just been calling in to go party or something, because she'd written me up for "missed shifts" twice, and the "third time is a charm". Anyway, I actually was sick, and so I called in again. She didn't believe me. She told me I could either come in and work my scheduled shift, or find a different job. So I came in. And I was ill. Man, I felt bad. I was sweating and dizzy, and just about anyone could see I wasn't well. What did she say? "See, I knew you were feeling well enough to work."

About halfway through my shift, I puked. I was in the back room, and I had been unpacking shoes, so I grabbed a shoe box, and puked all over a pair of new steel toed boots. I closed the lid, walked downstairs and set the box in front of her on the desk. She said, "What's this?"

"I quit."

Keywords/Tags: humor
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Posted by Dave! Permalink | Comments (2)

January 19, 2005

My Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon

Since Prof. Yin posted his Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon, I figured I would post mine...

My friend Carla was a producer for Pretty Dead Girl...
...which starred Christian Campbell, who is Neve Campbell's older brother (and also in Reefer Madness with her) ...
...Neve Campbell was in Wild Things with Kevin Bacon!

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October 23, 2004

Bad Jokes

After looking over the comments on the joke thread at Defective Yeti, here are a few of my favorites:

Q: What did the perverted frog say?
A: Rubbit.


Q: What do you call a Polish astronomer?
A: Copernicus.


Q. Why can't the Buddha vacuum in the corner?
A. Because he has no attatchments.


Buddha walks into a pizza joint and says, "Make me one with everything."

The cashier says, "That'll be $9.50."

Buddha hands him a ten. Waits. Waits. He says, "Where's my change?"

The cashier replies, "Change must come from within."


Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his phone and calls the emergency services.

He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?"

The operator says, "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."

There is a silence, then a gunshot.

Back on the phone, the guy says, "OK, now what?"


A traveller in America from Mexico needs some socks, but he speaks no English. So he finds a department store and walks up to a salesperson. The salesperson says, "May I help you?"

He replies, "No hablo ingl�s."

The salesperson says, "Oh, okay, I'll hold up things and you tell me if that's what you want."

They pick up a shirt.

"No."

They hold up some pants.

"No."

They hold up a tie.

"No, no."

Finally, they hold up some socks.

"�Eso, s� que es!"

"Well, if you knew how to spell it... "

Keywords/Tags: humor
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Posted by Dave! Permalink | Comments (4)

October 11, 2004

Me. Me. Meme.

Age: 30 Somthing.
Band listening to right now: None.
Career in future: Law ... talkin' ... guy.
Dad's name: David.
Easiest person to talk to: Kristyna.
Favorite song at the moment: Ocean Breathes Salty (Modest Mouse).
Gummy Bears or Gummy Worms: Bears - Soaked in Rum.
Hometown: Lay-Flat, Indiana.
Instruments Violin=, once upon a time. Bass.
Kids: Not Yet.
Longest car ride ever: Indiana to California.
Mom's name: Anne.
Number of siblings: Two.
Phobia[s]: Heights.
Quote (Favorite): Those who abandon their dreams will discourage yours.
Reason to smile: It will all be over soon.
Song you sang last: Ocean Breathes Salty
Time you wake up: Too early.
Unknown fact about me: Wouldn't you like to know.
Vegetable you hate: Brussel sprouts.
Worst habit: Workaholic.
X-rays you've had: Dental, chest, c-spine, c/t scans
Yummy food: Sushi!
Zodiac sign: Aries.

[Courtesy Amy]

Keywords/Tags: personal
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October 7, 2004

Let's do the numbers!

There are 168 hours in a week. In any given week, I generally spend 40 hours a week at work. That's not always the case, sometimes it's more, especially lately, but I'm supposed to work a 40 hour week. I'm going to be generous, and say that I get 8 hours of sleep per night. This is a compete fallacy, I usually get 6 if I'm lucky, but lets suppose I'm getting the U.S. RDA of sleep. I also have to get ready for work in the morning and ready for bed at night. It does take me at least a half hour to get ready in the morning, less at night, but I'm going to give myself an hour a day for hygiene: 7 hours per week. I also have to get to work and class and home. I have a pretty short commute, all said. But it's still probably amounts (total) to about an hour each day between work-class-home, so that's 5 hours per week. I'm in class 12 hours each week. Gotta be there, all my professors take attendance. Not that I could skip and keep up anyway. If we use the "standard" ratio of three hours studying for each one in class, oh hell, who am I kidding; let's go with two hours studying for each one in class: 24 hours per week. That leaves me with exactly 24 hours left in each week. 24 hours. One day. In that day I have to run any errands I need to spend time with my wife, see my friends, run any errands I need to get done, play with my cats and finally, engage in hobbies (yeah, right). Is it any wonder I feel like I'm always rushing?

Keywords/Tags: law, personal, school
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October 5, 2004

Move over CrapCast, here's DirecTV!

Our condo just signed a bulk cable agreement... or rather, a bulk satellite agreement! Ever since we moved into the condo about six months ago, we've been saddled with CrapCast. The picture has been lousey, the digital cable box is slow, oh so slow, and the cable frequently goes out. This is such a stark contrast to the service we used to have with Direct TV at our old place that I was going to cry, since the board was leaning towards a bulk agreement with CrapCast. Fortunately, they saw the dangerous path of the dark side before it was too late, and soon we will be enjoying the sharp picture, the awesome channel selection, and most importantly, the DirecTive once again!!!

Keywords/Tags: technology
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September 26, 2004

Catching Some Zs Part II: I am Darth Vader

So last night I returned to hell, er, the sleep center. I was resigned to spend another night wired up, strapped in, tossing and turning, and in general getting no rest.

As luck would have it, I got the same technician and the same room. Ah, just like home.

The process was essentially the same. Electrodes were attached to the now hairless portions of my body where they were the last session. Portions of my scalp were scrubbed with grit and electrodes were attached. This time, my technician was taking no chances: she brought out the duct tape. No, not really, but she did tape each electrode down extra firmly and also taped the wires into place.

But lo! No nose plug this time. "What gives?" I ask. Ah, this time it's the "CPAP" study. I believe this stands for "Continuous Positive Airway Pressure." If you'd like to simulate it, have a friend drive down the highway at about 80mph. Now stick your head out the window straight into the wind and breath. Ah... refreshing!

This wind-tunnel breathing is accomplished with a mask that fits over your nose and is then connected to machine that delivers pressure constantly, forcing your airways open, so that you don't stop breathing and all.

So there I was. Wired. Masked. Just relaxing and getting comfortable. Same drill as before, only now, instead of not being able to move, I couldn't breathe either!

I was instructed to close my mouth and breath through my nose. I did. But I couldn't seem to get enough air, so I started breathing through my mouth. Let me tell you, this is one weird feeling. With your mouth closed, it's almost normal. Like breathing in a wind gust. But when you open your mouth, air comes rushing out, and you feel the pressure. It's bizarre.

So the technician came on the intercom and asked, "Is your mouth closed?"

"No, I can't get enough air just through my nose."

"Ah, I'll try more pressure."

And with that, the machine made a whirring noise and suddenly the tube tightened and now I couldn't not breathe through my nose if I wanted to. I found it extremely easy to get enough air in through my nose, but it was almost impossible to breathe out my nose, against the pressure. It occurred to me this would be a decent way to teach circular breathing.

"Is your mouth still open?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"I can't breathe out my damn nose!"

"Okay, the pressure's too high."

The cacophony from the machine subsided, and now I found it possible to breathe again, both in and out, through my nose. Not that it was comfortable, it wasn't. And I swear, it felt like it took forever to fall asleep.

And then something absolutely f'd up happened.

I woke up.

And it was morning.

I hadn't woken up once the entire night. And I actually felt good. I wasn't tired, and I am always tired when I wake up in the morning. I mean, always. I felt rested and refreshed and all those things normal people claim they feel when they wake up! Now, don't get me wrong, morning people are still freaks. But now I can really appreciate what a good night's sleep can do. And hopefully, when I get one of these little contraptions for myself, I'll be able to get a good night's sleep at home.

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Catching Some Zs Part One: The Awakening

Apparently, some 12 million American's suffer from sleep apnea, and as luck would have it, I'm one of them. I fit the general risk group: I'm male, I'm overweight... I'm not over 40 yet, but I'm not as spry as I used to be. Additionally, my father has horrible apnea (and ironically, is quite thin).

So it really didn't come as much sup rise to me that my wife complained about my snoring. But when she mentioned that it often seemed like I was gasping for air at night, and one night I actually woke up gasping for breath, I had a thought, "Perhaps, I should consult my doctor."

And so began my journey into the world of the sleep study.

About two weeks ago, I had my first study. The goal is to monitor your sleeping, determine what is wrong, and then try some treatments to see what works best. My doctor ordered a "split study" which means they do the monitoring for half the night, then try treatments for half the night. Oh, to be so lucky.

The sleep study is held at the sleep center, which here in a major city is located in a hotel downtown. The hospital has an entire floor of the hotel which serves as the sleep center. Which is better than being in a hospital room. I suppose.

The room looks pretty normal. Except the IR LED array that functions as a "light". You and I can't see it, but it does light up the room for the "eye in the sky" camera that points down at the bed. Oh, and then there's the data harness and various machines on the nightstand. It all looks a little odd, but nothing too intimidating.

Little did I know that a "sleep study" means becoming a cyborg for the night. First, eight electrodes are taped (yeah, taped) to various parts of your body. These measure your breathing and muscle contractions during the night. That's not too bad, although for a guy like me with just a little bit of hair, well, I wasn't looking forward to taking these electrodes off.

But nothing, and I mean nothing could have prepared me for the hell that was the head wiring harness. Eleven electrodes get attached to your head, you know, for brain activity. Which there's a lot of when you have 19 electrodes attached to you and a person watching you sleep. Trust me, your mind wanders.

First, the technician scrubs each electrode point on your head and face with some noxious grit that seems like it should only be used in one's garage after changing the oil on your car. Then the electrodes are taped in place, and the wires are taped in place, so now your head movement is restricted, and you feel like this should all be giving you super human strength or intelligence.

Then comes the nose thing. You've seen it in the movies. That plastic tube draped over the ears and under the nose? In hospitals it delivers oxygen. In the sleep study it catches snot. Er, it measures the pressure of breathing through your nose.

Ah, so now you're totally wired. Lay back, oh, don't forget this clip on your index finger! That measures the oxygen level in your blood. Now you're laying in bed. On your back. Never mind that you usually sleep on your stomach (or side). The doctor would like to get some readings while you're on your back. The technician tucks you in and plunges you into darkness. Then, you hear the voice:

"Open your eyes. Good. Close your eyes. Good. Blink five times in a row. Good"

You cycle through a number of commands designed, I'm sure, to calibrate the brain wave readouts with are no doubt being cataloged in a file in the master control room. After about five minutes, you're done.

"Goodnight!"

Yeah, good night. Ha! You will never experience a more miserable night of sleep in your life.

You lay there. On your back. Wearing an inordinate amount of uncomfortable wiring, all of which makes it impossible to move. I rolled over, slowly, trying hard not to displace a wire. Then came a knock at the door.

"Um, come in?"

Seems I'd dislodged an electrode on my head when I moved. Great. Now I'm paranoid about moving. So all night, you are uncomfortable, self-conscious, and wired... I'm amazed that anyone comes out of this place sleeping "normally".

Well, eventually morning came. If you'd like to simulate the experience at home, tape a dozen wires to your head, another half-dozen or so to your body, grab some fishtank tube and wrap it around your nose, then lay back, and have your spouse stand over you with a video camera.

Sweet dreams!

Well, as luck would have it, they need to get 2 hours of continuous sleep for the study to be accurate. And it took all night for them to get that from me, so they never got to the second half of the "split study". Hoorah! That means I got to go back!! Whoo hooo!!

And the results? Frightening. Turns out I was actually not breathing 47 times per hour! And by "not breathing" I mean, I would stop breathing completely, for 10 seconds or longer. The result was that I was "aroused" in the medical sense of the word (meaning I might not remember being awake, but my brain came out of sleep) 506 times during the night... nine of those times were for 15 seconds or more. And I do remember those. Every goddamn second of them.

Next: Part II, I am Darth Vader.

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September 20, 2004

A New Look...

Well, you know you're a geek when you're completely stressed out, overworked, and what really calms your nerves is hacking the templates for your blog.

So here it is, a new "look and feel" for Preaching to the Perverted. Let me know what you think.

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Slammed!

Well, I don't think I could possibly get any busier. I'm positively and absolutely swamped with work. This week is the start of classes at work, which means there is an inordinate amount of work to complete and not nearly enough time to get it all done before classes start. In addition, the reading for law school is begining to get longer, so there's more to read and even less time to read it in!

Wow. I mean, I worked all weekend, now I just got home a few minutes ago, and now I'm going to bed. To get up tomorrow at 6:30 A.M. to start the whole process over. *sigh* I'm a glutton for punishment.

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September 9, 2004

Just for the Record

If I'm in a coma, keep me on life support for one year. After that, turn it off, cause I'm probably not coming back.

If I'm brain dead, under no circumstances am I to be kept alive artificially.

My organs are to be donated where possible, but my body is not.

I do not want my dead body displayed in any way at a wake or funeral. My wife and immediate family can have a private viewing, if they want to say goodbye.

I am not to be buried. I am to be creamated. My wife may decide what to do with my ashes, I'll update this if I come up with a specific thing I want done.

No organ music at my funeral. If it's not in my CD collection, don't play it. I would prefer a celebratory funeral. Hopefully, I while people will be sad that I'm gone, they will be happy to have known me in their lives. Please, concentrate on the happy. And even if you hated me in life, you can be happy that I'm dead.

Also, please don't spend a lot of money. Tell the funeral director to shove it. Have everyone bring their favorite food, and spend the time with friends and family, not looking at some bogus, expensive, lavish display that is so far removed from what is important in life. Seriously.

Okay, enough with the living will. Torts will do that to you.

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August 30, 2004

Home Grown Tomatoes

When we moved into our new condo, my wife decided that our balcony would serve as a substitute for having a real yard, and subsequently planted all kinds of vegetables in a plethora of pots. We've got tomatoes, green peppers, carrots, radishes, and a host of herbs. The fresh basil is pretty darn good, but nothing, and I mean nothing touches those tomatoes.

What on earth is it that makes fresh tomatoes ripened on the vine taste so damn good? Even "vine ripened organic" tomatoes from a produce store don't compare to these in taste... and ours are grown on a balcony in the middle of the city!!

A caprese salad with fresh basil and tomatoes from our "balcony garden" just can't be beat.

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August 12, 2004

The Economist

I love a good style manual. I'm particularly fond of my Chicago Manual of Style, but I also have AP, MLA, and Strunk & White by my desk. Oh, and I just added a Bluebook and the ALWD. So check out The Economist's Style Guide. (Thanks, Ernie!)

It's chock full of good advice, although as an American, I take umbrage with several of their guidelines against Americanisms. For example:

"Gubernatorial is an ugly word that can almost always be avoided."

Gubernatorial is a fantastic word! It conjures up images of George Lindsey and Jim Nabors. And if you follow American governors, I think any word with "Goober" in it might be frighteningly accurate.

"Do not feel obliged to follow American fashion in overusing such words as constituency (try supporters)"

Actually, this is just wrong. The preferred definition (from the OED, not to mention Webster!) is "a body of constituents, the body of voters who elect a representative member of a legislative or other public body; in looser use, the whole body of residents in the district or place represented by such a member, or the place or district itself considered in reference to its representation."

Believe me, I am the constituent of many representatives who do not enjoy my "support".

"The military, used as a noun, is nearly always better put as the army."

Veterans of the United States Navy, Marines, and Air Force would probably take issue with that. I realize there is a difference between "army" and "Army" but replacing "military" with "army" in America invites confusion.

"They rest from their labours at weekends, not on them"

No, we definitely rest from our labors on weekends. I was married on October 26th, not at October 26th. On weekends, Americans might go have drinks at a bar, or go out to see a movie at at a theater. But mostly we sit on our butts watching TV shows.

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August 1, 2004

Floater

Anyone remember "sensory deprivation" tanks? Well, I don't, thankfully. But I am fortunate enough to live in a city that has some floatation tanks at SpaceTime Tanks. I meant to write about this when I first tried it, but never got around to it. Last week was pretty stressful, so I went to float again today, so here you go...

Last year, my friend Ken and I (on the advice of BEB) decided to give floating a try. We were both expecting a really "trippy" experience, since I (mistakenly) thought the whole idea was to be in an environment completely devoid of sensation. In actuality, there is a whole lot o' sensin' goin' on.

The tanks themselves are just large enough for a person to float in the center, not touching the sides. You are suspended in a solution of water which has about 800-1000lbs of Epsom salts in it, so you are hyper-buoyant. It's actually an effort to make yourself not float. The water is also warmed to skin temperature, so it's hard to tell where the water ends and your skin begins.

When I first got into the tank, it was a little claustrophobic. It's actually about the same size as a capsule hotel room in Japan. Once you close the door, it is completely dark, which combined with the warm water and air does induce a slight claustrophobic feeling, but in all honesty, it subsides pretty quickly. You do float in the nude, just in case you might be wondering. The "water" in the tanks, in addition to being salty enough to sterilize any cuts you might have, is also purified with Ozone in-between customers.

Once you lay down though, the experience is totally awesome. You float, like you've never floated before. If you're floating in a pool, sometimes you have to regulate your breathing to stay hovering at the surface... not in a tank. You have to make an effort to push your arms and legs down into the water. And it's warm, and soothing. But it's not devoid of sensation. You still have a sense of touch, and you still have smell (although the salt doesn't smell bad or anything) and definitely taste (the salt does taste awful if you get a bit in your mouth). You can also hear. I use ear plugs when I float, to keep the water out of my ears, but with or without them, you can very faintly hear the buzz of the ventilation fans, and you can still hear your own breathing and heartbeat.

There isn't any "tripping" happening in the tank, it's just pure relaxation. After a few minutes (time does seem to be completely arbitrary in the tank) I start to crack parts of my body I never knew cracked... there's no pressure of gravity weighting down any parts of your body, so you feel, well weightless. It's incredibly relaxing, and I think that's the value of it. It's not really depriving you of your senses at all, thank god! Instead, it's depriving you of your cell phone, the television, the radio, the report you have to finish for work, or school, the kids, the spouse, the boss, traffic, and any number of other things that can add to the stress of day-to-day life.

Honestly, it's worth doing if for no other reason than you know that when you close the door to the tank, no one is going to interrupt your thoughts for another hour, except you. When you couple that with the relaxation of just floating and being warm, well, when you get out you just feel so relaxed and renewed. I would highly recommend the experience to anyone. If I had a basement, I would build my own so I could do it once a week. It's a great way to recharge, even if it seems like it might be a bit "new age". In reality, it's just a trip to a pampering day-spa with a massage condensed into an hour and for a lot less money.

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July 13, 2004

8,000 New Bloggers a Day, and Still Not Much Worth Reading

Here are some interesting blog stats from Technorati, courtesy The Register...

Weblog search engine Technorati says it is now tracking over three million webblogs, with 8,000-17,000 new blogs created every single day. That means that a new weblog is created somewhere in the world every 5.8 seconds. Of these, a reported 36 per cent irritate friends or family with their twitterings, while a staggering 12 per cent attract the attention of lawyers with their biting commentary.

Heh. I still think the blog hype is overrated. It's a tool, people, not a revolution. Blogs are (generally speaking) just a new varient of vanity web sites; just as some vanity sites were useful and interesting, some blogs are useful and interesting. Blogging software makes it easy for nearly anyone to host a site and update it regularly, but honestly, it's no more of a revolution than say, Geocities was in the 1990s. If there's anything from the "Blog-o-lution" that is interesting it's RSS... syndication, finally done right, well, mostly right. But syndication isn't a new idea either (*cough*Pointcast*cough*Marimba*cough*Push*cough*).

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June 24, 2004

GMail

Wow. I have to admit, I was skeptical about GMail before I tried it, but I'm a pretty enthusiastic convert. The idea of never throwing away e-mail (which I don't anyway) is so appealing... and with Google's search integrated... wow. I just wish I could run a client on my desktop for work e-mail!!

I was fearful of not being able to delete mail, but you can delete e-mail, archiving is just the default. I'm already using it for mailing list traffic. It will be interesting to see how it handles spam as I use it more, and post the address in more public areas, but so far, I'm very impressed.

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June 23, 2004

GMail!

Cool! With a big thanks to Ernie the Attorney, I have a GMail account now and I'm ready to get started putting it through the paces. As someone who never deletes e-mail anyway, I think I'm going to like it...

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June 17, 2004

Blog Advice

Tony Pierce has some excellent blogging advice which is pretty valuable. However, I do take some issues with a few of his points:

8. dont worry very much about the design of your blog. image is a fakeout.

Don't worry much, but still think about it. Completely neglecting the layout/design of your blog can lead to something that is just down right painful to look at... although many readers may never actually see your blog (thanks to RSS) it's still worth a little time to make it look presentable. Hell, with so many templates, it's a no brainer to make your blog have a little style.

9. use Blogger. it's easy, it's free; and because they are owned by Google, your blog will get spidered better, you will show up in more search results, and more people will end up at your blog. besides, all the other blogging software & alternatives pretty much suck.

If you have a blog worth reading, it will spread regardless of the tool. Blogger is fine, but there are many other good choices out there. Don't get hung up on the technology. If you find one that does works the way you want it to work, but it ain't fee, so what? Pay for things you find valuable. I started on Radio, which has some pluses and minuses, and now I'm on Movable Type, and I love it. Being owned by Google doesn't mean much, you'll still get indexed. Google indexes your mother.

13. if you havent written about sex, religion, and politics in a week youre probably playing it too safe, which means you probably fucked up on #5, in which case start a second blog and keep your big mouth shut about it this time.

Everything is about sex, religion or politics. Anything you think isn't really is, you just haven't put it in context yet.

25. dont use your real name. dont write about your work unless you dont care about getting fired.

Boy howdy. That one should be the #1 on the list.

Most of Tony's advice is applicable to writing in general. I think that's the best approach to "blogging". Fuck blogging. Blogging is for chumps. The best "blogs" are in reality collections of essays by writers, with a few exceptions (which are just collections of cool stuff). So be a writer and do what writers do: write. Stop trying to "shift the paradigm" be an "early adopter" or "embrace the revolution" just write. It's about the writing.

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June 14, 2004

JD v. MBA

So, why did I decide to go back to school to pursue a JD? And why not pursue an MBA? I do have a fair amount of entrepreneurial business experience, so an MBA might have made sense.

I've wanted to pursue a post-graduate education of some kind for quite some time, but I frequently vacillated between a degree in Fine Arts and a "professional" degree of some kind. I'm one of those artsy types who happens to have a head for business (or so I'd like to think). Unfortunately, returning to school full-time is not really a realistic possibility, so I needed to limit myself to degrees that I could get part-time/evening, which pretty much ruled out going back for my MFA.

I tried to think of what I really loved doing, what my passions were, and I determined that in order for me to be happy with my career, I need it to have a several components:

1. The "job" must be (for the most part) intellectually challenging.
2. I enjoy project oriented work, that is, work which involves deadlines as a motivating factor. Once a project is finished, I want the opportunity to work on another project (or handle multiple projects simultaneously).
3. I would like the career to have a writing component.
4. I would like a career that uses technology as a tool, but is not necessarily technology based (I've done software development, I'm done with that).
5. I like to interact with people.
6. I need to have some level of control over my own destiny.

So, having been on my own with several business ventures, I wanted an education that could help me find either a job for someone else that met those criteria, or would aid me in once again striking out on my own. The two degrees that made the most sense were and MBA or a JD.

The MBA had the advantage of being focused on business. But the MBA also had the limitation of being focused on business. Then I came across an article that mentioned over 10% of American CEOs have JDs. Not that I want a corporate career necessarily, but the fact that so many executives have JDs indicates that on some level, a JD is beneficial in the business world. That's a big "Duh" for the most part, but still a factor in my decision.

Then I met Groklaw. I was hooked. You know you?re in trouble when you?re reading a motion written by attorneys for IBM and you find yourself laughing at the subtle humor. My wife happens to be an attorney, so I grabbed some of her books, and started reading about torts, and again, I was hooked.

I hope that my interest isn't just a passing fancy, and that the intellectual challenges of studying law continue. I would like to go into some area of intellectual property law, combining my technical skills and background into a career that I might find challenging and rewarding. And even if I don't end up practicing law (and at this point I am far from certain I want to practice law, at least in the traditional sense), it seems that the educational experience itself will be beneficial and applicable to many other areas I might end up.

Of course, this could all be the rationalization of a na?ve, soon-to-be 1L...

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June 9, 2004

The Value of MBAs

Disclaimer: I work for a very highly regarderd and ranked business school. The students here are very bright individuals who are highly motivated, and the faculty here are very intelligent and capable teachers, who do really seem to care about giving their students a top notch education. That goes a long way towards setting this school apart from the norm.

That said, a friend of mine recently sent me an article from Fortune magazine, entitled "Why an MBA May Not Be Worth It" which was a very interesting read. An even more interesting read was the paper that sparked the article. That paper, written by a Standford University business professor, is called "The End of Business Schools? Less Success Than Meets the Eye" and it has some really enlightening information, especially for anyone considering going back to school for an MBA.

It did a lot to reconfirm that I think I made the right decision in deciding to go back to law school, rather than pursue an MBA.

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June 8, 2004

Web Comic Roundup

There are a lot of really good web-comics out there these days... here are some that I am currently reading on a semi-regular basis:

Something*Positive
Penny Arcade
The Devil's Panties
Queen of Wands
Rehabilitating Mr. Wiggles
Red Meat
Sore Thumbs
/usr/bin/w00t
User Friendly

If you know of any others I should check out, please let me know!

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May 25, 2004

Vending Machine Economics

Perhaps it is because I work in a business school, but the soft drink vending machine near my office is helping teach us all the economic theory of supply and demand.

You see, it features two buttons, both of which dispense an identical 20oz. plastic bottle of Diet Pepsi. However, the first button dispenses the Pepsi for 1.10, while the second costs an additional .15 for a total of 1.25.

So, early in the week, while supply is high in the newly stocked machine, we can drink Pepsi for 1.10. But as demand increases throughout the week and supply decreases, the price jumps to 1.25.

In reality, it's probably just a mislabeled button that used to be Snapple or something, but still, I'd like to think they planned it.

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May 3, 2004

We're Moving.

My building has every convenience
It's gonna make life easy for me
It's gonna be easy to get things done
I will relax alone with my loved ones

Loved ones, loved ones visit the building,
take the highway, park and come up and see me
I'll be working, working but if you come visit
I'll put down what I'm doing, my friends are important

We are moving into a new condo in less than two weeks (yikes!) more details to come.

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April 19, 2004

The Hood

Okay, I'm getting pretty sick of my neighborhood. Really. It's getting quite irritating. It's an area that is in the process of "turning over" whatever that means. We moved there for the rents, when my wife and I moved in together, the rents were much cheaper there and we got a lot more space. It was a good deal all around.

Recently though, it's become more and more crowded. It's nearly impossible to find a parking space half the damn time... and on top of that, my car was just broken into for the *third* time last night. *Three times* and I've only lived there about 18 months. That's once every six months! This is ridiculous. If you combine the fact that recently we just got some new neighbors who are very loud and have shifty looking people over at all hours of the night... *sigh*

I'm moving.

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March 31, 2004

Slow Week

It?s been a slow week at work so far? I?m mostly waiting for other people to follow up on some issues we discovered at the last planning meeting. And I?m doing a lot of research for one of the new systems we?re going to be installing in the new building. Basically, it?s going to be a real-time streaming solution. We want to be able to take a live feed from the classroom and record it, and at the same time, automatically create an MPEG/Quicktime/Windows Media version of the recording. Then we?ll archive the recording and make it available on a webserver. So if you know of any turnkey solutions for that type of system, let me know!

In other news, I turned 29 yesterday!! ;)

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March 22, 2004

Week One

Ah, Monday, the start of my second week here in the new job. Something funny (especially for those of you working or living in University towns)... On my drive to work, I cross "Cottage Grove" and then proceed to cross "University" and then turn on "Woodlawn". Do all college towns have the same street names? Or are these names modeled after some locale I'm not familiar with?

I still don't have my computer (it's on order though) and I'm still waiting for the phone to be installed in my office. It's hard to hit the ground running in academia. However, I did already have a *huge* project meeting already, which, thankfully, went very well.

And I spent the weekend relaxing, which was much needed. I got to catch up on some movies... finally saw Stevie which was really excellent, although somewhat troubling. And I was surprised by the Pirates of the Caribbean, which for a movie based on a Disney theme park ride was shockingly entertaining.

All in all, a good weekend, hopefully to kick off a good week at work...

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March 15, 2004

Back on the Chain Gang

Well, today marked my first day back in the working world as I started my new position at a major university as a staff member. I've been a professional staff member at a university before, so I knew a little of what to expect.

The day was pretty uneventful... my boss was out due to a family emergency, so that was a minor setback, but the rest of the staff picked up nicely. I'm still waiting on my phone and my machine. I have been placed in a temp office (they are building a new building and so I have no space until that opens up this summer!) and given a "loaner" machine so I can start being productive.

I met most of my staff today as well. They seem like a nice bunch and I'm looking forward to working with them. One of the nice things about this particular institution is that it's reputation precedes it... and so far, it's living up to my expectations. The people here are bright, dedicated and nice. If you're going to work for someone else, it might as well be in a good environment like this!

Of course, it wouldn't be a university if there weren't some issues... namely parking. I had to put my name in a "lottery" for a parking permit today. Otherwise, it's a "fend for yourself" system, which on campus can be pretty bad. Oh well, I suppose if I can get used to getting up at 7am to come into work, I can get used to hunting for parking. It's rough giving up the "come and go as I please" atmosphere of working for yourself, but then again, it's nice not to have all the 24 hour worry and ulcers that come with it!

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February 23, 2004

Do Job Boards Work?

Apparently not. Or at least, not well. Here's a very interesting article from "Ask the Headhunter" about how effective some of the major job boards (Monster, HotJobs, CareerBuilder) are at helping you find employment. The bottom line: they aren't very effective at all.

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February 19, 2004

JVC HD Camcorder...

Last night at the MCAI meeting, JVC was on hand to do a presentation about their new "consumer" High-Definition video format, tentatively called HDV. To make a long story short, the have basically taken an HD resolution signal and compressed it in the camera using MPEG-2 compression, to create an MPEG-2 Transport Stream which gets recorded onto a standard Mini-DV formatted tape. Pretty nifty, overall, but there are a few drawbacks:

• The compression is done in hardware, so you don't get a true HD signal, you get an MPEG-2
  
• You need a special HDV Deck (or to use your camcorder for editing) and the format is not widely supported.
  
• The cameras are only 1-CCD (more on that later)
  

JVC has two cameras out, the consumer GR-HD1, and the professional JY-HD10. Price aside, there are two really critical differences:

• The professional unit allows you to generate color bars
  
• The professional unit has XLR inputs
  

If you don't know why those are big deals, the consumer level camera is for you. Otherwise, go for the professional unit.

The camera can record in SD at 480i or 480p, compressed w/MPEG-2, it can also record in standard DV format, or in HD at 720p, also MPEG-2 compressed. JVC boasts that it can playback 1080i, but it can't record in 1080i.

The camera is also only a 1-CCD chip. For a one chip camera, it does take a very sharp, crisp image that doesn't blow out too badly on highlights and it doesn't crush blacks horribly. JVC claims to be using layer technology on the CCD to eliminate the need for multiple CCDs (like the Foveon chip) however, they either need to license the Foveon chip or do a better job implementing the technology, in the SD range, any 3-CCD camera I've seen produces a better image.

Of course, the technology is not designed to be a replacement for higher end HD Cams (like the Sony HDWF900 or the Panasonic AJ-HDC27 VariCam) but I think it falls a bit short on the lower end.

The camera features are extremely limited. You can do far more tweaking on a Canon XL1s or Sony DCR-VX2100 both of which compete with the JVC on price point.

Frankly, I think the "HD" aspect of it is a bit gimmicky, and if what you really want is a great looking NTSC picture, pass on this one. If HD is really what you want, don't jump into it with this JVC. The HDV standard is being adopted by other vendors, and there might be some announcements at NAB in April. I'd be very interested to see what Sony and Canon plan for the format (they are both supposedly developing with it). If you're a die hard early adopter, or have a clear project that justifies it, the JVC is okay, but I have a feeling in a year we'll have a lot more camera to choose from.

Keywords/Tags: film, technology, video
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Posted by Dave! Permalink | Comments (1)

February 15, 2004

The "New" Preaching to the Perverted!

Welcome to the new home of Preaching to the Perverted!

As you can see, everything really looks pretty much the same. In fact, nothing has really changed except the publishing software and host. You can now subscribe to the RRS Feed for the site here:

http://www.gulbransen.net/preaching/index.rdf

I moved because I wanted to start using MT, and I wanted the blog to be hosted under my own domain. You'll still find the same incoherent ramblings you are used to... enjoy!

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February 14, 2004

Web Comics Round Up

I love animation, but I'll get to that in a minute. I thought I would do a quick summary of some web based comics out there that I check out regularly. Some are more geeky than others, but all of them have (I think) something going for them. Check them out, you might find one or two of interest:

• Something Positive
  
• Her!
  
• Red Meat
  
• Rehabilitating Mr. Wiggles
  
• Penny Arcade
  
• User Friendly
  
• /usr/bin/w00t
  
• The Devil's Panties
  

Beware, some of these (Especially Mr. Wiggles and Red Meat) are probably not for the faint of heart. But they are still damn funny.

Keywords/Tags: personal, webcomics
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Posted by Dave! Permalink

Web Animation Round Up

There was a post on boing-boing today with some web animation links, and since I love animation, I thought I'd repost them and add some to the list.

• Animwatch
  
• AtomFilms (Animation Category)
  
• Muffin Films
  
• Robot Love
  
• Door Steps (An Animated Music Video)
  

This is certainly not an inclusive list of web animation... I'd love to see other sites that showcase what's going on out there. Send me your links!

Keywords/Tags: personal, webcomics
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Posted by Dave! Permalink

We love the subs

Quizno's Subs is running a new ad campaign that features the singing, um, things, from the Moon Song Flash. I have to say, these things are some of the funniest ads I've seen in a long time. Quizno's has the ads on the site... check them out! Damn, those things are funny!

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February 8, 2004

Why I Love Red Meat

Keywords/Tags: humor, webcomics
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February 1, 2004

Superbowl Half-Time Craptacular!!

Um, okay... Janet Jackson and Kid Rock? Apparenly I missed something. I didn't realize they still had careers. It's like I've been time-warped to 1997!! Help!!

I mean, seriously, no one expects it to be good but c'mon. P. Diddy has resorted to ripping off Toni Basil??! I'm going to fire up Garage Band and launch my musical career posthaste. Apparently, I have enough talent in my average turd to get a spot in the Superbowl half-time show.

Not even Janet's tit could save this monstrosity. And I'm sorry, if that wasn't a planned exposure (and I could care less one way or the other) then why did she have on that sunburst nipple ring/pastie on under the bodice? Hmm?? Accident? Me thinks not.

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January 28, 2004

101 Dumbest Moments in Business

It's the new year, and time for Business 2.0's 101 Dumbest Moments in Business for 2003. There are some pretty good ones in there...

"After SunnComm Technologies rolls out new CD copy-protection software in September, a Princeton student figures out how to disable it. The devious hack: holding down the Shift key."

And here's one for Mikey: "Over the course of six months, the sheriff's department in Lubbock County, Texas, catches five suspects attempting to fool urinalysis using the Whizzinator, an artificial penis that dispenses fake pee. Says a straight-faced Dennis Catalano, the owner of the company that makes the device and also sells dried urine, "How people choose to use it is beyond our control."

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January 8, 2004

Foldable 35mm Cameras

Eli sez, "This Czech designed pinhole camera is made from carefully cut out and constructed paper (needs to be stiff and lightproof). The name comes from the Czech word for pinhole (dirka) and a pun on Nikon. Uses 35mm film. Remember that you'll want a long exposure for a pinhole camera."
From [Boing Boing]

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Posted by Dave! Permalink

December 30, 2003

Creative Commons

If you are a creative individual (and most everyone bothering to read this blog is) then you need to know about the Creative Commons.The Creative Commons is the creation of Lawrence Lessig, the Stanford School of Law, Harvard Law School, and many others, that allows people to license their works in ways that actually make sense. You can create something, be it text, music, video, images, etc. and then pick out a Creative Commons license that makes sense for you; options for licensing include granting all rights, granting all non-commercial rights, or combinations thereof. It's sort of the creative equivalent of the GPL/Open Source thing software developers have been using for their projects, and I think much good can come of it. Check it out.

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Posted by Dave! Permalink

October 30, 2003

I'm Married!

Well, it's finally done! Actually, it was done on Sunday, and I'm just getting around to writing about it, but that's a good thing, believe me!

The wedding was a huge success... nearly everyone we've spoken with has agreed that the ceremony was the right length, the food was delicious, and the cake was one of the best they'd ever had. There were a few snafus, which is to be expected, I suppose. We had some family issues that were hard to deal with... a crisis here, some hurt feelings there... none of which were intentional, but I suppose that is the way it goes. You can please some of the people some of the time, but you can't please all of the people... I'd say overall we were pretty successful.

I slept the best I'd slept in months on Sunday night... the relief of having all the wedding planning pressure over was incredible. Then we took a few days off to just be with each other, which was very nice. We're going to shoot for our honeymoon over the holidays... it's hard to get away when you're both starting small businesses! But we're both as happy as you can be!!

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October 25, 2003

One Day!

24 Hours from now, I will be in the middle of my wedding ceremony. And yes, I am nervous as hell! However, I'm not nervous about the actual marriage part. I'm worried that I'll be late to the boat (we're getting married on a yacht on Lake Michigan) or that the cake will be messed up, or that the flowers won't be there... and about standing up in front of 120 people!

It's been so much work planning this wedding, and dealing with all the problems that crop up along the way. My friend Kate said, "A wedding is a terrible way to start a marriage" and now I know what he meant! If we could go back to March when all this was set in motion, I think now we'd elope.

But I guess tomorrow it will all be over, and that will be a big relief, and I will be very happy!!

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July 7, 2003

Insert Bad Shaving Pussy Pun Here

Moving in with your partner often means duplicate things: CDs, books, kitchen gadgets, and even living creatures. But unlike having an extra toaster, you can't just give your extra feline friends to the Salvation Army. And so it came to pass that Kristyna and I shared our living space with not one, not two, but four, count 'em, four long haired cats.

Not only do we have four long haired cats, combined, they pretty much cover the entire visible spectrum of fur. Alex is black and white, Simon is "shaded" silver. Stella is a tortie, and Emily is a calico. Black, white, grey, silver, brown, red. There is no surface in our house nor clothes in our closet which do not bear visible cat hair of some kind.

Last summer, we had heard of a technique which could not only help eliminated stray hair, but also those hairballs that are so pleasant to step on in the wee hours of the morning on a bathroom run. As a bonus, it would also help the cats cool down. That technique is the "Lion Cut". Now, if you haven't seen a formerly long haired cat who has been "Lion Cut" let me assure you, it will inspire fits of laughter. The poor cat is shaved pretty much to the skin all over, but with some hair left on the lower portion of their legs, a tuft of hair at the end of their tail, and of course, their "mane". Needless to say, three of our cats hated their new do, and one (Stella) loved it.

Well, humor aside, the other benefits of a shaved pussy quickly became apparent; we did indeed see fewer hairballs, and magically, only some of the surfaces in our house still showed cat hair! Clearly, the Lion Cut was worth the $50 per cat we had spent.

Summer past and winter came. We let the cats keep their natural hair during the colder months, but then spring came, and in Chicago, lasted about 3 days before we plunged into summer heat. It was time: shave the cats.

This time, however, the economy wasn't do well (it still isn't, as the time of this writing, may your reading find you in better times). So money was tight, and the cats needed to be shaved again... so I announced to my fianc� "You know, $50 per cat seems awfully steep. How hard can it be to shave a cat? I have some good clippers, and it would save us a ton of money."

My fianc� looked up from her computer and said, "What?"

"I'm going to shave the cats myself. It'll save us $200!"

She responded with hysterical laughter.

A little miffed by her lack of confidence, to the bathroom I went and set up my little cutting station in the bathtub. I had my clippers, my kitty shampoo, my towels, etc. all ready to go. Now for the cats.

The first cat was our oldest, and our grumpiest. Surely, I thought, she will be the worst. So I started with her. She growled and whined, but overall, was a pretty copacetic kitty. I was able to do her underside, and even the dreaded "potty cut" without too much trouble. When I was done, I washed her, dried her, and sent her on her way.

Thinking the worst was over, I grabbed my little angel, Alex. Okay, he's hardly a little angel. He's a co-dependent, jealous beast who pees on my bed if I come home smelling of another cat. But he also likes to play in the shower when I get out and takes a bath okay, so I figured he would be easier.

Ha.

I got Alex when he was a kitten and, because I don't believe in it, I had never had him de-clawed. Normally, I put Soft Paws on him, but he had a few missing as I started to shave. Big mistake. It didn't take long for me to realize that Alex was going to be trouble. It might have been the growling, but I suspect it was the blood coming from my arms that really clued me in. I tried to reason with him, "It will be over sooner if you cooperate. It doesn't hurt, see? When we're done, I'll give you a treat." But Alex was having none of it. What took me half an hour with Emily was taking well over an hour with Alex. But I persevered. Soon he was shaved and we moved on to the bath. By this time, I was about as wet as he was, drenched in sweat from all the kitty wrasslin'

I though the worst was surely over. After all, Simon and Stella were both much smaller than Emily or Alex, and they were pretty good natured cats. I think the heat was making me delirious, because it slipped my mind that one of our nicknames for Stella is "Squirmy Girl".

Perhaps you've heard of Hell Hounds? The beasts that guard the gates of Hades? Well, let me introduce you to one in disguise, she takes the earthly form of a cat, and her name is Stella.

She growled, she hissed, and worse, she bit. And she did this all while writhing and squirming. Greased pigs are easier to hold than this cat. She would alternate between trying to bite me and bite the clippers. After an *hour* of wrestling and clipping, wrestling and clipping, I had her one-half shaved... trying to hold her was like trying to hold a ten-pound water snake... she's lucky I didn't have a bench clamp handy. And I was extremely lucky that she had been de-clawed. Had she not come into my life minus claws, she would have surely eviscerated me there in the bathroom.

I was more determined than ever to complete the job. I was soaking in sweat in our hot little bathroom, I was bleeding from many scratches, hair was *everywhere* and she was only 3/4 shaved. She was howling, twisting, and snapping. Beware the Jabberwocky? With jaws that bite and claws that catch? Fuck the Jabberwocky. Beware Stella. It was a standoff. She finally escaped my grasp and stood at the door, staring me down with the fires of hell illuminating her eyes.

Well, she's still only 3/4 shaved. I just had to give up. She was the last. Our youngest kitty escaped the ordeal altogether. I had not the strength to go on. And I still had to give her a bath.

Licking my wounds, I managed to give her a bath. Or at least to wet her hair down and get rid of the clippings. When she was done, she shot out the door and I collapsed on the bathroom floor.

Never, never, never ever again will I bitch about paying someone else to groom the cats.

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Posted by Dave! Permalink

August 4, 2002

AT&T Broadband: Shareholders, listen up.

Listen up AT&T and AT&T shareholders. Apparently, this is AT&T's idea of customer service. Well, this is one AT&T customer who will be leaving AT&T as soon as I have a choice: bring on the deregulation and competition is what I say.

I have cable television, but it is mostly a bonus; what I really depend on is my cable modem, because I make my living developing for the web. Yes, I have an office, but projects sometimes require extra work at home. Okay, they almost always require extra work at home.

I am also moving at the end of August. This is an important bit of information, because...

In my typical, over-prepared manner, I called AT&T Broadband last week, to schedule the transfer of service for my move on 8/31. No problems there, I got an appointment right away and all was well with the world.

Then, on Monday (8/12) I returned home to find I had no connectivity, and my cable box was displaying an "E5" error. Odd. So I called AT&T Customer Service, and after some file checking, the rep discovered that they had messed up the transfer of service date, and I'd been cut off about three weeks too early. Of course, since it was too late in the day to send someone out then, I would have to wait until morning for my service to be turned back on. I grumbled a bit, but the rep assured me that come Tuesday morning, at 8am, my service would be restored.

Tuesday came... and Tuesday went. When I got home from work on Tuesday (8/13) my service was still not restored. I called AT&T once again, and this time the Customer Support rep informed me that the window for service was 8am- 8pm, and since it was only 6pm, my service would be restored within the next two hours. I was skeptical, but I relented. 8pm came and went. My service was not restored.

I called the Customer Support line once more, again, since it was now past 8pm, I was told, "There is nothing we can do until tomorrow." The Customer Service people were friendly and professional, although not terribly helpful. But they assured me in their calm soothing voices that they would make a note in my file, and that Wednesday, definitely Wednesday, my service would be restored properly. Sometime between the hours of 8am and 8pm.

Let me digress for a moment to explain here, that when they disconnected me, they did not need access to my house. They disconnected me at the "outside drop" according to one rep, so fortunately, I did not have to miss work. However, another rep informed me that there was a note on the work order for Tuesday. Apparently, when the line tech came out to restore my service, they found that the "outside drop" was located in a locked box. A locked box owned by AT&T mind you, but apparently a locked box the line tech didn't have a key for. Now common sense and good CRM would dictate that the line tech would return to the CO, find said key, and then correct the problem, making the customer happy and fixing what was a company error in the first place. Not AT&T. Their CRM manual apparently reads "If the Outside Drop Box should be locked and require a key, fuck that customer and move on to the next."

So now it was (is) Wednesday. I arrived home from work at 5:45pm, and sure enough, I still had no service. I knew this was not a good sign, so I immediately called Customer Support. They were oh-so polite, and oh-so professional, and oh-so completely unable to do a single damn productive thing. The work order ticket was still open they said. The service should be restored by 8pm. "Can you have the local service center contact me to verify that?" I naively asked. "Um, no. Well, I can send them an e-mail and tell them to call you, but I don't even have a contact number for the local dispatch," replied the hog-tied Customer Service rep.

Yes, page two from the AT&T CRM manual apparently reads, "Do not, at any time, empower employees to properly escalate problems, or even give them access to simple internal company contact information." It would have been easier to find Osama Bin Laden than to find the goddamn local tech service dispatch.

Between the hours of 6pm and 8pm, on Wednesday, August 14, 2002, I called AT&T Customer Service every 15minutes on the dot. I experienced no long hold times. The customer service representatives were all polite, sympathetic, and professional. They all took my information, yet again. They all sent an "electronic notice to local dispatch" telling them to call me, ASAP. They were all completely an utterly powerless to offer me any real solution to my problem, or actually get my service restored.

So 8pm came and went another day. And as of now, I have been without cable television and cable modem service for more than 48+ hours, all from a mistake the company made in the first place. I guess I just don't "get it" because I would have expected AT&T to make fixing my outage a priority, since they caused it in the first place! But apparently, AT&T doesn't give a rat's ass about me, my (large) payments to them monthly, or retaining customers who always pay their bills on time. Well, I can only say this to AT&T: competition is coming. And when it does, I will be the first to jump ship. I will be a loud, loud voice, advocating anyone over AT&T to my friends, family, business colleagues, and anyone else within earshot on the train to work. And I'm gonna post this to my weblog. Just not from the comfort of my own home.

An AT&T Update

When I awoke this morning (8/15) of course my service was still not restored. I waited until around 9am (I am a dreamer, aren't I?) and then placed a call to AT&T. The phone representative was once again polite and utterly useless. They assured me that the work order was in, and just to make certain, they also promised to have a supervisor call me back at my cell number. They lied.

AT&T Update Two

Having not been contacted by anyone by noon, I decided to call again. I don't think the front line phone reps at AT&T could be any nicer, and how they manage to pull that off when they are, apparently, completely and utterly unable to actually help customers in any real way at all. I was once again escalated to a supervisor, Christy, who assured me that she would call the local dispatch herself, and call me back personally, at my cell number in the hour. Let's not all hold our breath...

AT&T Update Three

Well, true to her word, Christy returned my call, and informed me that she had spoken directly with the local dispatch, and that my service would be restored today. The proof is in the pudding. Will I post my next update from home? Again, I'd like to say yes, but I'll believe it when I see it.

AT&T Update Four

Well, Christy may have called dispatch, but apparently, dispatch doesn't like her anymore than they like me. I arrived home at 5:30pm, still no connectivity. So I dialed up AT&T yet again (I have the number memorized now). Just to give you an example of how much I have been on the phone with AT&T in the past four days, the operator knew who I was. Yes, the operator at the AT&T customer service call center remembered me.

Again, she assured me it was no problem. I was in the system. By 8pm I would be channel surfing and web surfing. Ha! Six thirty rolled around. No service. I'm nervous. I call back, and this time I speak with Jason. Jason is a very helpful guy, and he escalates me to another supervisor, Mia. He assures me they will call back as soon as they have once again spoken to dispatch. I wait. No call.

It's now 7:30pm and we are once again perilously close to the dreaded 8pm daily cut-off. So I call back. The operator puts me back in touch with Jason, who indicates that Mia is on the phone with the local dispatch right now. Holy smokes! Could the end be in sight? There is a light at the end of the tunnel... and it's the AT&T train, barreling down on your ass!

Jason comes back on the phone, and, guess what? AT&T will not be able to make it out to my place tonight! You have got to be kidding me. I explain to Jason, amazingly without using any profanity, that 1) this is AT&T's mistake for disconnecting me erroneously on 8/12. 2) They missed their appointment to restore my service on Tuesday, 8/13. 3) They missed their second appointment to fix the problem on Wednesday, 8/14. And finally, that it was now Thursday, 8/15, and he was informing me that they were about to miss their third appointment in a row.

Needless to say, I was very, very angry. I asked Jason what he thought AT&T should do to compensate me for my lost time and the complete nightmare this has been in dealing with them. I'd been told before by reps that it's AT&T's policy to give a $20 credit for missed appointments. You know what, and listen closely AT&T: twenty dollars doesn't mean shit to me. What means something are the four evenings I have now lost while being on the phone with AT&T all night. Four evenings I could have been productive on some of the projects I'm working on. Four evenings I could have spend with loved ones. So here's the deal, AT&T, roll the twenty into a real tight little roll, and shove it up your corporate ass!

I explained to Jason that my time is very valuable, especially my free time after work. He sympathized and promised 1) that the problem would be solved tomorrow, Friday 8/16, and that 2) he would personally monitor my account, and call me at 10:30am tomorrow to discuss how AT&T might compensate me. Well, once again, I'm being asked to take the word of a company that has outright lied to me on multiple occasions. How they think they are going to compensate me I cannot even begin to imagine.

Now, do you want to hear the ironic part??? So, I have to get on-line to do a little work before I leave town this weekend. I get in my car to drive over to my girlfriend's house... as I pull onto the expressway, what do I see? You guessed it! An AT&T truck! Well, actually an AT&T mini-van, but one with a ladder and a man at the wheel who looks suspiciously like a line technician. *sigh*

AT&T Update Five

Friday. 10:45am. Still awaiting Jason's promised call. Still no service.

AT&T Update Six

Friday. Noon. Still awaiting Jason's promised call. Still no service. But, on the bright side, I just signed up for Direct TV. I will be cancelling my AT&T cable very shortly.

AT&T Update Seven

Fortunately, I was out of town most of Friday and all day Saturday. That helped me from going insane in dealing with AT&T. However, when I returned on Sunday, my service was still not working. I called, and fortunately, the line people had been to my outside drop and re-connected me; all that was needed now was to reactivate my account. The customer support representative did so in about 10 minutes, and behold: I was once again watching bad television. Not that it mattered, with the Tivo, I really hadn't missed the television part much, it is the cable modem outage that is really hurting, and get this: continues to hurt! That's right... I still do not have cable modem service.

The phone rep explains to me that they "only do the tv part" and that I will need to dial a different number for the broadband portion of my fiasco. So I dial, and after the Tier One support person is unable to help me, I am escalated to Tier Two. Doug, the very friendly and helpful Tier Two technician explains to me that, yes, my cable is back on, but unfortunately, because my modem has been off-line so long, it has been de-registered. I about crap my pants on this one� I mean, really. Now I am faced with waiting for them to re-register my cable modem, because it was out for so long, because they erroneously disconnected me in the first place. I'm going mad.

Doug explains that if this were a weekday, he could get on-line to the database people and have me fixed in a jif... maybe a half-hour. But since it is Sunday, the best he can do is send off an e-mail (of course, they can't even give me a trouble ticket number, because, I have to be in the database for that� idiots. Who built this CRM system for AT&T? Anderson Consulting???!) So I am now going to be without cable modem service for one week.

AT&T Update Eight

So, first thing today I call the friendly folks at AT&T Broadband. Since the rep yesterday explained this was an easy fix (just re-adding me to the database so I can once again register my cable modem) I'm in a cheerful mood. I should know better, I really should.

Again, I go through the script with the Tier One support in order to get escalated to Tier Two (this is perhaps the stupidest customer service model I've ever encountered). But this time I'm greeted with some shocking news. This time, the Tier Two representative explains that the best she can do is send another e-mail, but that it might take 3-5 business days for them to get around to adding me to the db, because of their backlog. Holy fuck. That's all I can say. I explain that I've already been down a week... and that it was AT&T's fault in the first place. Well, she says, they can send someone out to my house, since the line technicians can call the database people directly. But that option will probably take a week, and I would have to be home during the appointment.

Ahem. Allow me to reiterate my rant to AT&T here: You mean to tell me that all that needs to happen to fix my problem is to re-enter my account information in a database, and that while a line-technician can call the database people directly and make it a priority, the customer support organization has no way of contacting those same database people in order to get my problem fixed????? Yes. That is how fucked up AT&T is. Is it any wonder we have service at all?

Of course, I'm livid, and so I demand to speak with a supervisor. He confirms, that indeed, AT&T's organization is fucked up beyond belief, to the point where the customer support people are basically powerless to do anything be send off e-mails asking for these things to be done, but with no power to ensure that they actually get done, or that anyone there gives a rats ass at all.

So here I am, still without cable modem service, which is what I really cared about in the first place, waiting for some random DBA to add my information to the database, and hoping that she or he finds the e-mail that customer support sent him as being compelling enough to bump me up in the queue. Can you believe this shit? AT&T stockholders, are you listening? I hope you aren't counting on this company going anywhere. I am canceling my cable television service, I've already ordered DirecTV. And the only reason I haven't dropped the cable modem is that there is no other provider in the area... rest assured, as soon as there is, AT&T will no longer get my business.

The Rest of the Story

Well, AT&Amp;T finally got my cable modem back up and running, and then a mere week later, I moved into my new place. The DSS people were Johnny-on-the-spot when it came to their installation appointment, and I'm now an incredibly happy DirecTV subscriber. The picture quality is astonishing compared to the crap-ass (that is the technical term) image I got from AT&T. I couldn't be happier.

On the cable modem front, since there is no other provider in my area, I had to go with AT&T for my broadband, even though it caused me great pain. A few days after my modem service was restored at the old place, I got a call from a very apologetic corporate representative. They basically fell over themselves trying to make it up to me, and they got me an early appoinment for the install at my new place.

Now, if you've read this far, then this should come as no surprise to you: AT&T missed their installation appointment at my new residence! Yep. Amazing, isn't it?

However, this time since I was dealing with a corporate rep, they rescheduled right away, came out and got it working in no time. Squeaky wheel, I guess. So I do now have working cable modem broadband access from AT&T. And they credited me for the outages and missed appointments. But I can tell you this, there is such an opportunity for competition in this market it's scarey. And I'll be one of the first to jump ship from AT&T as soon as there is a choice.

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Posted by Dave! Permalink

December 19, 2001

Bus

There is no cool factor on the bus.

I live in the city. I work in the city. This means that I have three choices for getting to and fro work each day: drive, train, or bus.

I could drive. I don't live all that terribly far from work, it's almost a straight shot by car. When there is no traffic, in fact, it's about a 10 minute drive. In the morning, however, that stretches to about 35 minutes. And I can't exactly park at a meter downtown all day, which means that for the privilege of driving my own car to work, I would have to eat $18.50 each day in order to park. Needless to say, I don't drive to work.

I could take the train. There is an "el" stop very close to my home. Unfortunately, the stop downtown isn't so close to my office. The train has the distinct advantage of being fast. There are limited stops, and between stops you aren't subject to the whims of traffic, making it a most expedient form of transit. The train also has the added bonus of "cool pretend play grown-up" factor. It's much easier to pretend you're a hip young urban dweller in a movie on the train. You can pretend there is a camera focused on you as you gaze wistfully out the window, or shyly smile at the cute girl sitting across. So sometimes, almost always after work (because I'm a lazy slug in the morning) I do take the train.

But usually, I'm another slob on the bus. See, the bus stops about half a block from my front door, and I've timed it so that if I walk out the door at 8:15, I can catch the bus, and walk into work sometime between 8:50 and 9:10. Yes, there is that much variation. You see, the bus is really no better than your car, in fact it's far worse. The bus stops every other damn block to let a bunch of other slobs cram their asses down the isle and into the seats. The bus gets blocked in traffic by the asshole double parked outside Starbucks who ran in to get his double tall mocha-chino latte skinny fat fuck asshole drink. The bus can't run red lights. The bus is smelly, and gross, and doesn't even have a stereo like your car. There is no cool on the bus. When it's cold and raining (as it was this fine morn) the windows of the bus fog over. So you can't look wistfully out the windows. Not that it matters, you know there is no film crew filming you looking wistfully out the window of a bus.

It only goes downhill from there. At least with the train, you have your time in the station to adjust to the weather. If it's cold and rainy or snowy, you get a bit of respite from the elements, and time to acclimate to the new indoor climate. Then, the transition to the warm train isn't so bad. But when everyone gets on the warm bus, crowded together, they sweat steamy sweat. It condenses on everything, and it makes you feel like you're in a sauna, which makes you hot, and then you sweat. So there you sit, hot, sweaty, stinky, and you can't even look out the damn window.

Then the bus lumbers down the road. It stops every 150 feet or so, to let even more people on, so it just gets hotter. And if I don't give up my seat for the older ladies who invariably get on my bus with a shitload of shopping bags, well, then I feel like a right bastard. So I always seem to find myself standing, swaying to the rhythm of the bus (and it has all the rhythm of an epileptic disco), sweaty and miserable.

And why? All so I can go into work, the last place I really want to be at 9am.

There is no cool factor on the bus.

Addendum - December 20, 2001

I used to live in the Bay Area (San Francisco) and people there are always complaining about the state of the city bus system, MUNI. To hear them tell it, you would think SF was the only major city with a crappy mass transit system. Well, at least they don't have to wait for the damn bus in Chicago weather. This morning I went to my local stop at my normal time. There I waited. And waited. And waited. Then, I spotted the dreaded number 56 lurching it's way down Milwaukee. And what should I spy with my keen eye right behind it? Yes, another #56 bus. And another. There were no fewer than four buses, leapfrogging their way down the street.

sigh

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Posted by Dave! Permalink

September 17, 2001

Terrorism and America

The events of last week here in American left me completely speechless. It has taken me several days to even comprehend what has happened and to begin to come to grips with my feelings. I've been very disappointed at the reactions of several Americans, from the cowards who have seen fit to take the law into their own hands and attack innocent Arab Americans, to the intellectual elite, such as Noam Chomsky, who have implied that this attack was somehow justified and deserved because of America's foreign policy in the Middle East. I'm sickened by both of these reactions, as I am by the greed and indifference of hotel chains and gas station owners who raised their prices, to gouge a wounded and disoriented American public.

These morally repellent individuals will need to live with their own shameful behavior, but to the terrorists who believe that there is righteousness in these actions I offer these words of advice:

Those who would attack America over ideological issues demonstrate a profound lack of understanding of the resolve of the American people and the way American society does (or does not) function. We are a diverse people from many countries, cultures and religions. That diversity was well represented in last week's attack, in which thousands of Americans needlessly lost their lives. Those who perished were European Americans, African Americans, Asian Americans and Arab Americans. Those who perished were Christian, Jewish, Buddhist , Hindu, and Muslim. Also among the victims were the citizens of England, Germany, Russia, Japan, France, Australia, and over 40 countries who had come to America to work, live, vacation, or conduct business.

America is not a homogenous culture. In fact, we can rarely agree on anything. More often than not we are a dysfunctional family, mixing like oil and water, rather than the great American melting pot. Although our citizens may often isolate themselves into smaller, homogenous communities, there is nothing which forges a bond among family like enduring great tragedy, and this last week has done more to unite the American people, people of all races, creeds and religions than it has to divide us on issues of foreign policy.

As a frequent vocal critic of the policies of the United States government, I cannot imagine, nor ever conceive taking the lives of tens of thousands of innocent people in order to make a political point. The greatest freedom America affords its citizens is the right to disagree with our leaders and to express that dissent. More can be accomplished to win the opinions of the American public with advertising dollars and rhetoric than can ever hope to be achieved with violent out lashes against our citizens.

For all the millions of dollars funneled to terrorist organizations for ideological causes, greater service would be done with the American public by purchasing advertising, lobbying congress, and funding political campaigns. Images on public television of Israeli troops firing on crowds of innocent Palestinians might have changed American minds. Images of Palestinians cheering over the bloodshed of American citizens has damaged the cause of Palestine and Islamic groups more than any single event in human history. The terrorists who committed these dastardly acts were clever in their execution, but unbelievably stupid in the belief that this would alter American policy, or win the American people over to their cause.

By nature I am a pacifist. I have never supported or condoned violent retribution, and in fact, believe that retaliation for the sake of vengeance would be wrong. But the voice of terrorism was heard loudly and clearly last Tuesday. For many years, we have tried to broker peace in the Middle East to no avail. The language of peace seems unknown to these groups, and therefore, I honestly believe it is time for the United States to speak directly with the organizations which would slaughter the innocent, and we should speak the only language they seem to understand.

To the terrorists of the world, and the countries which support them, imagine the internal conflict faced by a peaceful, civil disobedient citizen of the United States such as myself in reaching this conclusion. I would have been one of the first citizens in the United States in the hear your point of view and listen to your arguments. Now, I can no longer hear anything in my ears but the ringing of explosives and the screams of my people.

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Posted by Dave! Permalink

September 10, 2000

The Bobby Knight Controversy

I am a resident of Bloomington Indiana and a former student of Indiana University. As such, I'm disappointed by everyone involved in all of these alleged incidents surrounding Coach Knight.

I'm ashamed that a coach with the experience and track record of Coach Knight can't own up to his bad temper and seek counseling or help when it is clear to even the most ardent Knight supporter that he has an anger management problem. It saddens me to see him tarnish his legacy at IU with these continued outbursts.

I'm ashamed of the Knight critics who use his every word and gesture as an excuse to pony up to the media and see themselves on television. They don't really care about the students. They care about hearing themselves speak.

I'm ashamed of the Knight supporters who threaten students with bodily harm simply for questioning the coach's behavior. Support Knight by talking about his record, or his graduation rates, or the positive things former players say. Threatening students for speaking out is unconscionable.

I'm ashamed of Indiana University President Miles Brand and the trustees of Indiana University. If Knight should have been removed, it most certainly should have been over the alleged choking of a student and a player, not over a lecture on respect and manners. If Knights actions and behavior have cast a dark shadow over our peaceful town and school, Brand and the trustees have done nothing effective to handle these situations.

In the press conference announcing Coach Knight's removal, President Brand cited a number of incidents that he said showed a pattern of behavior inconsistent with the "zero tolerance" policy. I would expect the President of a major university to understand the definition of "zero tolerance". "Zero" tolerance would imply that any indiscretion by Coach Knight should have lead to his removal. If the policy were truly "zero" tolerance, by Brand's own admissions today, he should have never progressed this far.

Truth be told, I will miss Knight; but I am glad he's gone. I'll miss him as a coach, and what he has done for the basketball program and young men he's coached over the years at IU. He's brought Indiana some great championship moments, and he's helped many students graduate and get proper educations, which is something that can't be said for many college coaches.

But I'm glad that finally, people will be able to talk about Indiana University and Hoosier Basketball without making it a cult of personality about Coach Knight. And I'm glad that I won't continually have to apologize to family and friends for his behavior when they ask me about life in Bloomington.

I would have hoped that Coach Knight would have left a legacy of great Hoosier basketball, not one of scandal. And I would have hoped that Miles Brand would have acted as the leader the position of university president demands, not by cowering, backpedaling and only now owning up to his duties.

If the only way to repair the tarnished IU basketball program is by dismissing Knight, I also think that President Miles Brand should resign as well. He's demonstrated that he never really had the best interests of the students in mind, or he would have enforced the "zero" tolerance policy when any of the incidents on his press conference list occurred, not just when an incident went public. What Brand demonstrated today was that the university didn't really have a zero tolerance policy about Coach Knight: the university really had a zero tolerance policy for public scandal. If Knight's actions are inconsistent with the professionalism we expect from our coaches and leaders, then Brand's actions are inconsistent with the leadership expected of a university president.

I can only hope that in time, Indiana University can put all of this behind us, and be remembered for what it is: a world class University with several outstanding academic schools and a school with a great basketball legacy.

Most of all, I hope that sports fans and citizens around the country understand that Hoosiers love basketball, and that we are not all foul-mouthed grandstanders or duplicitous administrators concerned only about public relations. Not every supporter of Bobby Knight is so blinded by rage that they would threaten the lives of students who might actually have legitimate complaints about the Coach and his conduct. And not every critic of Knight and his actions is a media hound only seeking to further their own agenda of hate against a man who has been a great coach. Most of the Hoosiers I've met are decent, hard working, good people. Please don't let the actions of all of these sordid characters influence the way you view our state, our universities, or Hoosiers.

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Posted by Dave! Permalink

August 25, 2000

Open Source Everything

Today a friend of mine and I were discussing some of the cool new things that we'd like to develop and got into an interesting discussion about the nature of work, what it means to be creative, and how it might be possible for creative people to make a living in the new economy.

You see, we've both lived and worked in the "Silicon Valley" start-up environment, and to be honest, neither of us cared for it much. At the risk of sounding hopelessly backward, we value our friends and our family more than our options. We'd both rather spend a lovely Saturday having a barbeque with our friends than having a catered lunch as repayment at the office for sacrificing a weekend.

So we left the valley, and we left California. Where we are doesn't really matter now, because it's immaterial to our business. We write software, it sells very well, and it makes us a good living. We sell it on the web and our customers are all over the world. They can reach us by phone, fax, e-mail, the web, and even traditional mail. It's not hard to reach us, and it's not hard for us to communicate with our customers. And yet, with this (albeit small scale compared to a tech IPO) success, we still have time for our friends and our families, and feel like we are living good lives that are separate from our work.

But I would hate to give you the idea we are slackers, far from it. We like to create, and we are always coming up with new ideas we'd like to work on. It's been my experience, having studied theatre and fine arts in school, and ending up in technology, that software and hardware developers are some of the most creative and inspired people that I know. What drives them (indeed, us) to create is as diverse as what drives all artists to create, and it often has nothing to do with money. That would be hard for many marketing wonks and MBAs to fathom, but really, I don't know many engineers who do what they do simply for the money. In fact, I know more than a handful who would do what they do regardless of the pay. Now, don't get me wrong, these are very intelligent people, and if some VP whose contributions are all filtered through a focus group is getting rich, then the engineers who designed the thing in the first place deserve a cut!

But all too often, the creators get marginalized. What started out as a truly visionary idea goes through so many focus groups and marketing studies that the end result is a often a far cry from the original inspiration. I've seen a number of really great, awe-inspiring ideas be lost in organization churn, or obliterated by "mass market" ideals. This always makes me sad, not just for the developer who loses their baby, but for the loss of the idea itself.

Another way great ideas are destroyed is by the whole "venture capital" process itself. Take a look at great companies with great products. Then try to find how many of the original creators or innovators are still around after going through a few rounds of VC. Not very many. Most will be replaced by a stronger management team in the blink of a stock ticker. Those that manage to stay on in a role are often turned into dead weight, as a mouthpiece, or worse, relegated to some obscure management position designed primarily to keep them out of the way. The percentages of ownership that are retained by the creator of an idea is actually pretty sickening. In an article in Business 2.0, Jim Clark points out that the most common mistake entrepreneurs make is over-valuing themselves. What??! Have you heard such non-sense? I guess that's true in the new e-conomy. Fuck the innovators; the only people who count are the ones who grow market share. Look, I understand the value provided by good sales and marketing people. However, when company founders end up holding less than 10% of the equity in a company, I think that's pretty crappy. Hell, if you ask me, anything less than 50% is pretty crappy. What a way to be paid for you innovation: loosing control of your company. Yeah, yeah� 10% of a 50 Billion dollar company is better that 50% of a 5 million dollar company. But come on! How much money is enough? And is that money really worth giving up control of your vision? Your idea? And watching your idea become just another mediocre product in the already rotting pool of dead .coms?

After all, it's not just the innovators who suffer when VC enters the picture. The innovations suffer too. Many great ideas are turned from something truly creative into just another B2B, P2P, B2C solution. Focus groups can provide valuable feedback, but then again, too many cooks� over analysis of market trends can lead to bad choices and compromises in the product development cycle of a new business.

So the process of building a business in America today leads to the destruction of the innovator and innovation. How can this be changed? How can the creative still manage to create, retain control over their ideas, and still eat? What could possibly be our salvation?

Open Source.

Everything.

Seriously. I think it's an idea whose time has come. Now stop laughing. To anyone skeptical of open source reading the article: I'm serious. To any open source advocates reading this article, I think you've only scratched the surface of possibility. Open source doesn't mean free, it means open, and in the end I think it can benefit creators and business interests alike.

I think we should open up everything. Everything. Software. Hardware. All of it. Why? Because it's good for you. It's good for me. It's good for us. And it's good for the market.

But the market gods cry! How can we make money! How can we protect our "industry secrets!" Why do I care? Why do you care? And why did we get all secretive in the first place? Usually, secrets exist to protect bad products. After all, if no one else can make the same product better, your market is protected. That's why I think open source has many people on the run; open source might actually provide consumers with choice in the market, and give them access to superior quality technology. Man, in that world, there are a lot of bad companies that stand to go under.

So how does anyone make money with open source? The creators and the companies retailing products? Here's how everyone can make money: producing innovative things people want and like. So now let's talk about specifics with an example.

I'm a media junkie. I take in as much media, be it television, radio, the net, as possible. But I'm also a mobile guy. I'm always on the run, and I certainly don't bend my schedule for television. I want to be able to watch Nova when I want, damn it. Not when my local PBS station airs it. And speaking of which, I might want to watch it on my computer in the office, over the network, on my lunch break. Why not? There's no real reason I shouldn't be able to do this.

So, let's say I get a real itch to have this kind of "media convergence" and I decide to do something about it. I go and I build a machine for my home, based on Linux, that can capture video, encode it and make it available on the Net via my DSL connection. Let's call this my "Convergence Box". Cool. I need to write some software to make this all seamless, so maybe I write a web application for scheduling the Convergence Box, and some other software for selecting shows to view, stream it, etc. etc. Now, all of this is some work, and I think it's pretty valuable. Evidently, so do companies like Tivo and Replay TV (even though they still lack some of the cool features of the Convergence Box, like networking).

Well, now that I've gone through the trouble of building this box, I think I've got something pretty cool, I show it to some friends, and they want one two. So what are my options? I can:

1. Build it for them. Hey, I don't have the time.

2. Start a company to build these things. Sure. And go through the hell of subjugating myself and my idea to MBAs and lose all of the cool functionality that was why I built this thing in the first place.

3. Sell it to a company direct. Yeah, if you have the connections, sure. Go for it.

4. Give my friends the plans & software. Hey, my friends are smart. They can make it themselves, and they get a cool box out of it, and I get credit. Neat deal.

In fact, the whole project could stop right there. I don't have to do anything with it. I created it on my own, I own the idea, and I didn't do it to get rich. I did it because its an idea for something I needed or wanted, and no one sold it, so I had to build it. But I know that many times, if it's a product or something I want, chances are someone else wants it too.

So, let's say I take this Convergence Box and "open source" it. I publish my plans on the net, with a license that effectively says "For personal use, all these plans and software is free. If you want to use it for business, write me." Yeah, it might cost me a little to have a lawyer review this license, but regardless, that investment is pretty cheap.

Now anyone on the net can build my box if they want to. A great idea is shared with a community of people who can take something cool, build it, use it, extend it in any way they see fit. I like that. I personally think it feels pretty good to share. We all get a cool new toy, and those with the time, knowledge and parts get to build and use my good idea.

But what if a company decides this is a product who's time has come? What then? Well, easy. They license it too. In fact, this is the best thing a company could possibly do! After all, I've done the R&D. I've built the prototype. I've established a market. Now, they could license my plans, for say a nice royalty, and everyone is a winner.

The company can take my idea, maybe make it more efficient, maybe dumb it down for the mass market, and they walk away with a product they can sell to the mass market of people who don't want to tinker with hardware and software (and that's a pretty big market). They can even remove features that might get them into hot litigation. Whatever. They are free to do so, and I still get paid and make money from the base idea. All of the technophiles who want a feature-rich, custom machine, well, they get what they want too, from my open source license. Let's face it, those people aren't eating into the company's market at all, they wouldn't want the dumbed-down mass market version anyway. If anything, letting these people use it for free is like an investment in community development: everyone wins.

"But hey!" you cry, "there's nothing to stop another company from licensing the idea too! So who protects the first company's interests?" Well, okay. Let's take a look at that. We have two companies, Company X and Company Y. They both want to make the "Convergence Box". Fine. Why not? There's a good chance that the market is big enough for both of them, and that my extending the base features established in the original idea, they could actually develop different markets. One might even have a machine that would appeal to those tech savvy buyers out there.

But even if Company Y wants to make a similar product to Company X, they can too. People can then freely choose between product X and Y, and base their decision on minor issues, like say, customer service. Now each company has a reason to build a good product, because the better product will win in the market. What could be better for the consumer? And people who don't mind technical info and want a supped up version of the product get to build one themselves for the costs of supplies, all thanks to open source. Technological innovation reigns supreme, the market economy does it's job, and we all share. The company making the best spin off product wins the market, and the developer gets to eat! What could be better?

Now, I realize this idea is not without flaws. Greed always complicates matters like this. But I offer this little diatribe as encouragement to those of you out there that are tired of seeing good ideas go to waste. For innovators who are tired of seeing their ideas compromised. For developers who want to create, but want to eat. For companies with the vision to really adapt to a new economy, and not just want to slap an "e.com" to their name. This a chance to do some real outside-the-box thinking and profit. I think there are enough of us out there that we will survive. And if I'm right, we'll prosper. And if I'm wrong? I'd rather survive on my terms than compromise my ideals to survive on theirs.

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Posted by Dave! Permalink

August 22, 2000

I hope you know this will go down on your permanent record.

So what do you want to be when you grow up? And don't tell me that you are already a grown up. I know better. You're surfing the web, aren't you?

This is actually a problem that seems to be facing a number of my friends lately: what do I want to do with the rest of my life? As if there is an easy answer. It's a shame, we can't feel free to try several different things and be free to fail without making us feel worthless as humans. I think that is a by-product of our society, and as we move into a information society, it's only getting worse.

Do you remember way back in high school, or even earlier, when you met with a guidance counselor? Their sole purpose for existence is to help you get started on the right career path, so you can take the right classes and go to the right schools. And you're expected to choose that career path in your adolescence. Of course, at that age they'd never trust you with sex education or dream of teaching you about condoms, but by golly, you should certainly be ready to choose what you want to spend the next 40 plus years of your life doing to occupy your time!

So, with parents and educators breathing down your neck, you choose your lot in life, and you are placed on a precipice called "your future" and then without warning, they shove you off the edge.

But never fear! There's always time to change those horrible decisions of youth once you get to college. After all, that's what majors are for: changing. So now, you are out of the nest, on your own for the first time in life and finally you are free to make your own decisions. So when you aren't getting drunk, sleeping late, or selling plasma you are free to contemplate your future. And figure out how to summon up the courage to tell your dad that pre-med isn't your destiny, you really want to paint. Good luck. Have another jello shot.

But now you're getting older, the university is informing you that you've already changed your major four times, and if you want to graduate in four� five� six years, you'd better finally decide and stick to it. Good thing they have all of those easily accessible counselors too. Just take a number, wait for days, fill out these forms. Before you know it you can meet for 15 minutes with someone who barely has more education than you, and after reviewing your transcripts, will give you the best advice possible. For the university. You see, it's in the university's best interest for you to graduate in four years. It looks better in their statistics. And the counselor is paid by the university. Hey, you aren't a student in this new e-conomy, you know, you're a customer. They aren't a learning institution existing for the pursuit of knowledge, they are a training facility, designed to crank out employable graduates in a four year program. Conflict of interest? You bet.

But that's okay. You get the degree and you're golden. You do the job search. You get depressed. You find the holy grail of jobs. You don't get it. But another, acceptable job comes along and you are in the workplace. I hope it's a good one, because changing your career path now is harder than swallowing broken glass.

Why is that? Because a "service" based e-conomy requires that the work being done is being done by a skilled worker. And becoming a skilled worker means that some company is going to have to invest time in training you, and once they've done that, they want a return on their investment. This is it� you are rapidly approaching the point of no return. That happens in your late 20's. Here's why:

1. Sometime in your late 20's, for reasons unknown to biologists, you will actually want to stop living like a student. That means you might want furniture that isn't plaid and smelly, and you might want a nice apartment that you don't share with 3 other people.

2. You're no longer "just out of school". You know it, and any employer looking at your resume knows it. That means that they don't think they can get you as cheap as a recent grad, because of your new lifestyle desires (see #1).

3. Any new employer will want to know what you've been doing for the last X years. They will automatically assume you want to keep doing something along the lines of whatever it was you've been doing.

4. If you inform them that you want to do something new, no matter what they tell you, they will think "Ah� they were bad at doing it. That's why they want a change." Seriously. That's what they are thinking.

5. You're getting old. Spare me. You are. Hey, I don't think so. You don't think so, but I guarantee your new prospective employer does. Unless you are trying for a job that requires grey temples, and you aren't, those jobs exist for white men in their 50s, you are getting old. Said prospective employer is wondering why you fucked up your last position, why you aren't "getting anywhere" in your chosen profession, and wondering why you'd want a change. Seriously. They are wondering that, you and I both know it.

So where does that leave you? Well, never fear, Dave is here with a way out: work for yourself. Seriously. It's dirty, it's grueling, it's thankless. You will work long hours, for little money, the government will take more money from you, and it's still the best job you'll ever have.

There are disadvantages, many of them. The reason that they exist is because no one in our society seriously wants you to work for yourself. Corporations certainly don't, but the government makes corporations look like Casper the Friendly Ghost. Seriously, Uncle Sam wants to stick it to you big time.

Here, in a nutshell, are the negatives. First, you will be taxed. Self employment taxes mean that you pay all of your FICA and unemployment, and all that good stuff. This is the same stuff that your employer normally matches you on, but now you are the employer, so pony up. The second, and actually by far the worst, is healthcare. You see, it's virtually impossible for really small business, let alone a single employee to get decent health coverage. You'll likely end up paying too much for a personal policy that will not even cover a fraction of what your former employee policy did. Why do we need healthcare reform in this country? Oh yeah, our healthcare system sucks.

Okay. Those are really the big drawbacks. But the benefits are worth it, they really are. For example, think about anytime you had a conversation with your boss, or a disagreement with your employer about procedure. Now imagine getting to do it your way. Not too shabby. Oh, and you need to leave the office for a while to run some errands? Go ahead. You say you work best coming in at 4am and leaving at 2pm? No problem. You'd rather come in at noon and leave at 8pm? No sweat.

But all of that pales in comparison to the real benefit to working for yourself: fail or succeed, you are the master of your own destiny. You make your own mistakes and learn from them. Or you make your own mistakes and fail because of them. But right or wrong, they are yours. It's the closest thing to freedom you could ever experience. It's hard work, and you have no one else to pass the buck to when you mess up. But those moments of success are so much sweeter when you know they are because you did what you wanted to do the way you wanted to do it.

So what is stopping you? That fear of being too old, or too inexperienced? Get over it. Let me clue you in on a couple of secrets that working for myself has taught me: it's never too late to change your career if you step outside the "conventional" world of employment and write your own career guide. The only time it's too late, or you are too old is in death. All mistakes can be learning experiences and help you succeed even greater, never be afraid to make them. There is no permanent record. They lied.

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Posted by Dave! Permalink

August 20, 2000

Me and My Motorcycle

If you have never ridden a motorcycle, you are truly missing out. There have been times it's better than sex. Well, a really great ride can be better than really bad sex. Well, it can come close!

There is something about a motorcycle that I think makes it a more special machine than a car. There are other special machines� airplanes. Nuclear missiles. These are both special machines as well. And airplanes might be cool, but motorcycles are decidedly better than nuclear missiles.

So what is it about motorcycles that I like so much? Well, I like speed, but honestly, I don't ride my bike like a rocket. My mother will be glad to read that. I have a "cruiser" which is built for comfort, not a "crotch rocket" designed for raw speed. So yes, there is some element of the wind rushing through my hair that I really enjoy, but that isn't what makes it so special. After all, I could always just roll my window down in the car and stick my head out like a dog.

What I really love is balance. Balance. A motorcycle left to its own devices at a standstill, will fall down. That means that a rider has to have some sense of balance, and that is a very important part of riding. But what most people who've never been on a motorcycle don't know, is that when the bike is in motion, it doesn't want to fall down. In fact, it wants to stay up. You can thank physics for that one. When you get the two wheels of a motorcycle spinning, they exhibit some gyroscopic tendencies, and one of those is that when you lean over, and apply some power, the bike will straighten up. Now, obviously, you can't lean over too far, they aren't anti-gravity devices, but the result is that a motorcycle has a pretty unique sense of balance that I have yet to experience anywhere else.

Another key difference is the 360 degree view. Oh sure, in a car you can look forward, back, left, right. But whenever you look, there are those pesky support beams and "windows" getting in your view. When I turn my head on a motorcycle, all I see is the world around me. I feel much more in touch with the world around me, and I honestly think it makes you a better driver. We'll get to the better person part later.

Okay, there is something to that whole "wind in your hair" thing too. That is, you are much more in touch with your environment on a bike. You smell everything you pass, fields, factories, cows. Yeah, you smell them in a car too, but it is just not the same. And I even like riding in foul weather. Rain is cold and prickly in a way that you'll never experience in a car. However, in a hail storm, I'll take the car. But the taste of bugs, and the sticky air on a hot summer night on a motorcycle� that is something truly wonderful, and nothing you will ever touch in a steel cage on four wheels.

Okay, so you are wondering, what about being on a motorcycle makes you a better person? I mean, after all, you've seen all those dirty bikers and their scruffy beards. Certainly they aren't better people because of road grime! Well, as a matter of fact, I think they are. Bikers wear leather because it protects you from the elements and the road. Spend some time in the sun and on a bike, and see what it does to your hair. But mostly, every biker I've had the pleasure to meet has been an honest, hard working, friendly person, who would simply rather care about riding than care about an Armani suit. And I'd rather know them than your average lawyer any day.

For example, when I'm riding around in my car, just out and about, how many people in cars do you think wave at me when I pass? None. Really. In fact, I tried it the other day, and I actually had a person flip me off after waving at them. Friendly bunch, those car drivers. But this weekend, I took out my bike, and I encountered 14 riders out on the roads. And do you know how many of them waved at me? Every last one. In fact, many of them waved at me first. I love that. I love the camaraderie and friendliness that I encounter whenever I'm on my bike.

But most of all, I love the combination of all those things. Gliding gently down some forgotten country road, past the double-wides tucked away behind a hill or behind some trees, as the sun warms my arms and back, and as the air cools my face. Over the hills and around the curves I feel like my bike and my body are one, and as I lean left and right with the machine, I achieve a perfect sense of balance. I can smell the fresh cut grass and sweet sticky juniper, and as I see another rider approaching just over a hill, we can both raise our hands as we pass, and know that even as we ride on alone, we've shared something that very few ever will.

Keywords/Tags: motorcycle, personal
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Posted by Dave! Permalink

July 24, 2000

Boys and Girls

Girls. I like girls. I can't help it, I think it's some kind of biological thing. Maybe there is some research out there that can confirm this for me.

Lately though, girls keep confusing me. They never seem to know what they want, and they are always causing me and my friends troubles. What gives?

Actually, that's not fair. Boys give my friends a lot of trouble too, so I guess it's not strictly a girl thing. It seems that as I get older, relationships among my group of peers just get more and more problematic.

Is this something that all late 20s people experience? Can you divide your friends into the "terminally coupled" and the "terminally single"? I sure can. Many of my friends coupled towards the end of college, or shortly thereafter. They now concern themselves with landscaping and, shudder, babies.

The other camp are the terminally single, a camp which I'm pretty familiar with. We date, we go to parties, we go to clubs, and we bitch to each other about not being able to discuss landscaping with anyone. Or at least not with anyone who cares.

There are many problems that face the terminally single, and I really don't have any answers, so I'm just going to enumerate the problems, in the hopes that some of you sage readers will know how to deal with them. Or at least identify with them.

Meeting people. The first problem with being terminally single as you get older is meeting people. When you run in circles with the attached, you just don't meet as many singles as you might like. That means you either settle for the slim pickings around you, or you have affairs with attached people, which leads to a whole new realm of problems we won't go into here.

Dating people. Am I the only person that is just a little tired with the whole dating scene? You meet someone (see problem #1). You ask them out. You go out. You have the same conversations over and over with each new date. Where are you from? What do you do? Where do you work? Do you like it? I'm beginning to think it would be easier to just write up a bio to give someone before that date. Just get the whole thing out of the way so you can move on to some interesting conversation during that awkward first date.

Sleeping with people. Here you have two choices. Do it or wait. Neither one seems to work out very well. It seems like when you go out with someone and there is immediate physical attraction, you do it fast. And then the relationship goes to hell because you just jumped into the sack and rather than intimacy based on anything substantive, it's just crazed monkey lust. Nothing wrong with the occasional fling, mind you, but jumping into bed does seem to destruct relationships or relegate them to fuck buddies.

Holding out doesn't really seem to fare much better. Then you build up something in your mind that no human could really live up to, and you end up disappointed with the first physical encounter because you've built it up to much, or you wait too long and the other person loses interest. There is no winning.

So what can be done about all this? Nothing, really. I'm not suggesting any solutions. I'm just venting. I have a friend who walks around leering at every woman he sees, he loves strip clubs and objectifies women at every opportunity. And then he'll turn right around and say that he just wants intimacy, to be loved for who he is and to love someone for who they are. He's a walking set of contradictions: a horn dog pervert and a loving, caring friend. He's no different from you and me.

And maybe that's what keeps so many of us single: we have these conflicting personalities. We want raw physical sex. We want close, intimate love making. We want to laugh with someone at the same jokes, but we want someone who can challenge us to be the best we are capable of. We want someone who is perfect in every way, but who will accept us for all of our flaws. God forbid they should have any flaws of their own. Is that what keeps us alone in the world? I wonder.

Keywords/Tags: personal
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Posted by Dave! Permalink

July 17, 2000

Nair and Hair

Don't ever shave your body. Really, trust me on this one. No good can come of it.

Okay, I suppose that there are exceptions to this rule: Olympic swimmers, Mr. Universe contestants, exotic dancers. Members of those professions can violate this rule if they so choose. But let me tell you, as a hairy man, I recommend against it.

I know all of this first hand because of a party I attended last week. My friend Sylvia was having a birthday party, and being a lover of theme parties, she chose "Cross-dressing" as the theme for this particular evening.

Now, I love a good party. I'm the type of individual that really loves to go all out and theme parties really give me a chance to shine. So when I got the invitation to this particular party, my mind was a flutter with ideas. Being a large, hairy man, I knew that I would really have to go the extra mile to win first prize at this one, and go the extra mile I did.

I selected a hot little purple satin number, complete with eye shadow, lipstick and nail polish to match. It was divine! Silky and spaghetti strapped, I knew I'd be the hit. However, it also showed quite a bit of my skin and quite a bit of that skin was covered in bushy man-hair.

Well, I knew that no woman (or respectable cross-dresser) would allow this to stand, so I knew what I had to do: shave my body. Never again. Blinded by my desire to be sexy, I rush headlong into the most uncomfortable experience in a long time.

First mistake: Nair.

I had no real idea what exactly Nair was, and I certainly had no concept of how it worked. I thought I did. I was horribly, horribly wrong. See, all I knew was that I really didn't like shaving, period, which is why I usually sport a beard. So the idea of shaving my whole body was pretty unappealing. However, I knew that if I used Nair, I could bypass the pain of cutting myself and razor burn. Oh, sweet, sweet razor burn. How I long for razor burn.

I was so happy that I'd thought of Nair. I wouldn't be wasting razor blades: just wipe on, wipe off! Hair be gone! So I came home from Target, pink bottle in hand, all ready for my depilatory adventure. I squeezed a little bit out onto my arm, rubbed it on my arm hair and waited. After five minutes, I rinsed the arm off, and viola! No hair! I was psyched! This was going to be nice and easy!

So I stripped down, hopped in the shower, and began to smear Nair all over my body, not thinking about silly little things, like nipples. I stood there, waiting for the Nair to do it's chemical wonder, when my whole body began to tingle and get warm. Warmer and warmer. Soon, my nipples were hot and suddenly it occurred to me that perhaps, just perhaps, smearing the Nair all over my body might have been a mistake. So I wiped the Nair off my nipples, but decided to leave it on the rest of me.

A quick test showed that the Nair wasn't having the desired effect on my chest hair, it still wasn't ready to come off, so I kept waiting. And waiting. And waiting. Now, during this time, my skin was getting pretty hot, and the directions said, don't leave it on longer than 10 minutes, so it was time for this crap to come off. On came the shower, and off came my hair.

Or most of it.

Seems some of my hair is Nair resistant. I have no idea why, it's not like I built up a resistance to Nair from repeated exposure. I guess I just have good genes. So, now I was mostly hairless, but had several patches of extremely irritated skin. In retrospect, I'm amazed that a chemical compound that dissolves hair can even be used on skin, but I digress.

Second mistake: the razor.

So, I had these patches of Nair resistant hair to deal with, and a patch of hair on my back that needed to be dealt with, too. So out came the razor. Bring on the razor burn. Unbeknownst to me, Nair makes skin very sensitive and subject to razor burn. So slowly, and painfully, off came the remaining hair.

(Allow me to interject here a note about true friendship: Anyone can help you move, make you dinner, cheer you up when you're feeling down. But a true friend, a genuine true friend is one who will shave your back. Thanks, Mikey. :)

Finally, I was ready. Showered and clean shaven, I slipped into my silky drawers and got ready for the party. That's when I discovered some interesting, body shaving facts:

1. Body hair does help keep you warm. I've never been so cold in the summer in my life.

2. Clothes feel weird on bare skin.

3. Shaving your entire body and putting on a silky dress will make you a hit at the party.

4. It is absolutely not worth it.

So here I sit, itching madly as the regrowing hair pokes out of my skin, irritating 70% of my entire body. Even if I had know the sheer terror of the shaving experience, nothing could have prepared me for the hell that I endured as the hair returns.

Little did I know that I would be uncomfortable between the sheets without my hair buffer. And how ill prepared I was for the pin-pricks of stubble over my entire body as my natural fur returned. I sit around at work scratching my legs. And my arms. And my chest. And my back. Dante never envisioned a circle of hell this unspeakable.

So if you're ever thinking about shaving your body: don't. Trust me on this one. It's just not worth it. The next time someone invites you to a cross-dressing party, forget skimpy. Forget sexy. Think Victorian.

Keywords/Tags: humor, personal
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Posted by Dave! Permalink