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Some thoughts on the Olympics…

August 24, 2008 by Dave!

1. The Opening Ceremony. Wow. I was floored, I honestly could care less that the “feet” fireworks we saw on television were CGI… they were a cool concept and looked great. But beyond that, there were the awesome drummers, the wrap around screen in the Bird’s Nest, and that completely cool “community” painting that was created at each stage. Oh, and the light up dudes. Oh, and the human version of the Bird’s Nest. And the “movable type” dance. Very impressive. Not to mention all the fireworks. I tend to think of Olympic ceremonies as hokey and boring, but China’s were the first Opening Ceremony that really impressed me. Really impressed me. China should be proud.

2. Volleyball. What the hell is with Beach Volleyball?? Seriously, what the hell? When did this become such a major sport? And couldn’t we have missed a few of the Misty-May/Walsh matches? And why was she always “Misty-May” instead of “May-Treanor”? Because it sounds cuter? Lame. Speaking of which, why do the women wear skimpy two-piece bikinis, while the guys are in baggy shorts and shirts? Either let the ladies cover up or make the guys play shirtless… in Speedos, I say.

3. Swimming. Who knew it could be so exciting! I didn’t.

4. Gymanstics. Um, if the age limit for the sport is supposed to be 16, shouldn’t they actually be 16? I’m actually saddened that the Chinese would do this… the games were such a triumph overall, it’s a shame they tarnished them with the whole under-age gymnast debacle. Speaking of debacles, Nastia Luikin deserved to share a gold with He Kexin–why can’t their be ties in the Olympics? Both girls were fantastic, they had identical scores, why not reward them both in the spirit of the Olympics? I call B.S. Speaking of B.S. what the hell is with the new scoring system??? They couldn’t split the difficulty level and subjective and still make it so a perfect score is a 10? *sigh* It’s like the people that run the sport of gymnastics have no damn clue.

5. The venues. Another shining moment for China. The Bird’s Nest is unique and impressive venue. And the Water Cube was very cool as well. Combined with the killer Opening Ceremony, the Chinese managed to create one of the most memorable Olympics in my lifetime before any of the athletes even began to compete.

6. The Closing Ceremony. Not as impressive… not even close. The dudes in bike helmets, playing giant Gouda drums wasn’t very spectacular. The monowheel bikes were cool, and the “memory tower” flame thing was pretty cool, too. But that Bejing song? The typical pablum I tend to expect from the Olympic ceremonies. I half expected to see Ewoks come out singing “Small World” or “Hakuna Matata”. Enough already. The Closing Ceremony had a couple of cool moments, but it was not the cohesive amazathon that the opening ceremony was.
But the worst was the London transition. Oh, London. London, London, London. Terrible. Leona Lewis and Jimmy Page, making fools of themselves on a crappy looking double-decker bus stage?? No wonder Robert Plant doesn’t want to tour with Page. _I_ wouldn’t tour with Page. London, you have _so_ much work to do before 2012 to not make fools of yourselves. _Not_ a very good start. I was embarrassed for London. First that god awful logo, then this. Then that horrible Michael Phelps thing. Does London _want_ to suck? Sure seems like it.

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Filed Under: Humor, Television Tagged With: Olympics 2008 Bejing

You Can Rent My Mind

February 26, 2008 by Dave!

Prof. today… “That’s what I get paid for, my mind. You’re all renting my mind. And when you work as a lawyer, that’s what you’re doing: renting out your mind.”

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Filed Under: Humor, Law School Tagged With: lawschool

Yes, I Think I’m a Grown Up Now

September 1, 2007 by Dave!

My wife turned to me yesterday and said, “I’m going to call a stripper… and Amy wants us to come over at 4 and smoke some stuff.”

For the record, the stripper charges $85 per door, so refinishing all of the upstairs doors in our house would run us $680. And we _are_ going over to Amy’s later to smoke some stuff. Ribs. And maybe a brisket.

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Filed Under: Humor

Why I Am a Dork.

March 5, 2007 by Dave!

Because every time someone says something about using Thomson & Thomson for a trademark search, I think of Thomson & Thompson.

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Filed Under: Humor, Law, Law School

Why People Hate Lawyers.

October 5, 2006 by Dave!

Vanity licenses plates on Mercedes which read “ONE 3RD”.

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Filed Under: Humor, Law

The Amended of Contract with America

October 3, 2006 by Dave!

With absolutely no apologies to Dick Armey or Newt Gingrich, I present to you, the latest campaign rhetoric from the Republican majority… the Amended Contract With America.

Republican Amended Contract with America

As Republican Members of the House of Representatives seeking to retain control of that body, we pledge to maintain it’s corrupt policies, and even more important, to continue to destroy the bonds of trust between the people and their elected representatives.

That is why, in this era of official evasion and posturing, we intend to evade and posture to an unprecedented degree, and offer a written commitment with plenty of partisan fine print.

This year’s election offers the chance, after over a decade of one-party control, to maintain the status quo and continue to make an even greater mess of the way Congress works. We will continue with government that is too big, too intrusive, and too easy with the public’s money. We will continue to degrade and mock the values and faith of the American family.

Like Bush, our current Republican president, we intend to act with reckless abandon, content in the knowledge that we know best how to line our own pockets with your money and erode your civil liberties. To ignore accountability in Congress. To continue the cycle of scandal and disgrace. To make a mockery of the way free people govern themselves.

On the first day of the 110th Congress, we, the Republican majority will immediately pass the buck and take no responsibility, aimed at abusing the faith and trust of the American people in their government:

  • FIRST, require all laws that apply to the rest of the country no longer apply to Congress, since they already don’t apply to the President;
  • SECOND, suspend any efforts to audit Congress for waste, fraud or abuse;
  • THIRD, eliminate the House Ethics committee;
  • FOURTH, increase the number of former Republican Party members among highly-paid lobbyists by 75%;
  • FIFTH, ban public committee hearings, in the name of national security;
  • SIXTH, require all Congressional are records off-limits, for matters of national security;
  • SEVENTH, cover up any and all scandals involving pederast members of our own party;
  • EIGHTH, continue to pass legislation supporting any potentially illegal or unconstitutional programs supported by the current administration.

Within the first 100 days of the 110th Congress, we shall bring to the House Floor the following bills, each to be passed in the middle of the night, with no debate. Each to be given an up or down vote and each to be severely redacted from public inspection and scrutiny, you know, for matters of national security.

    1. THE FISCAL IRRESPONSIBILITY ACT: An act which will ban limits on the federal deficit. As our great leader Dick Cheney has said, “Deficits don’t matter.”
    2. THE TAKING BACK OUR STREETS ACT: Suspending the writ of habeas corpus, because not everyone needs to have their day in court.
    3. THE PERSONAL IRRESPONSIBILITY ACT: Suspending most of the criminal code from application to Members of Congress and their staff.
    4. THE FAMILY REINFORCEMENT ACT: Comprehensive legislation aimed at tackling the problem of Gay Marriage once and for all. Includes special provisions for Heterosexual Marriage to lower the divorce rate from 85% to a respectable 75%.
    5. THE AMERICAN DREAM RESTORATION ACT: Sweeping immigration legislation that will immediately deport all illegal aliens and revert naturalized citizens and “Green Card” holders to the status of indentured servitude for a period of 10-20 years to lessen any potential economic impact.
    6. THE NATIONAL SECURITY RESTORATION ACT: All political speech, writing and thought will be subject to review by the NSA to protect America from the terrorist threat facing our nation today. Wiretapping becomes mandatory under special “freedom preservation” provisions.
    7. THE SENIOR CITIZENS ACT: Social Security and Medicare reform top our aggressive agenda. To best address the problem, this act will require the forcible termination of citizens who reach 65 years of age, thus solving both problems decisively.
    8. THE JOB CREATION AND WAGE ENHANCEMENT ACT: Elimination of all income taxes for small business owners with net worth over 50 million dollars who employ 15,000 or more U.S. Citizens. Also eliminates all capital gains tax for those with investments totaling more than 1.5 million.
    9. THE COMMON SENSE LEGAL REFORM ACT: Eliminates Federal Jurisdiction for all cases except those dealing with national security, which will be handled by a secret NSA Tribunal.
    10. THE CITIZEN LEGISLATOR ACT: Changes the voting for Congressional Terms from a positive vote (requiring citizens to vote for a candidate) to a negative vote (requiring citizens to vote incumbents out of office). Constitutionally approved by the Attorney General.

Further, we will instruct the House Budget Committee to report to the floor and to increase our budget, beyond the bloat specifically included in the legislation described above, to ensure that our district pork projects like bridges to nowhere remain fully funded.

Laughing derisively at the expense of our fellow citizens as we seek their mandate to continue riding the country to hell in a hand basket, we hereby pledge our names to this Amended Contract with America.

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Filed Under: Humor, Politics

Law School in a Nutshell

July 9, 2006 by Dave!


[Via Red Meat by Max Cannon]

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Filed Under: Humor

Lazy Muncie

February 26, 2006 by Dave!

First there was “Lazy Sunday” then there was “Lazy Monday“… now there’s “Lazy Muncie“. Undoubtedly, this is funnier to me–having grown up a Hoosier… but it’s still got some good stuff.

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Filed Under: Film, Humor Tagged With: film humor indiana

Great Law School T-Shirts

May 8, 2005 by Dave!

Law School Funny Stuff has some really funny t-shirts for sale. Well, funny if you are a law student or a lawyer. My personal fav, “I own blackacre“.
[Via In Limine]

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Filed Under: Humor, Law, Law School, School Tagged With: humor law school

Indietits: These Birds are Hipper Than You

April 15, 2005 by Dave!

Okay, there’s a new webcomic that just made me laugh out loud, so I thought I would give it a plug. It’s called Indietits, which features these birds that talk about music and make some pretty bad jokes (in a good way). This one is my personal fav. Check it out.

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Filed Under: Humor Tagged With: webcomics
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